Austin Fanzine Project

WE'RE UP TO OUR ASS IN REALLY HOT, SEX PACKED RECORDS

A LUSTY LIBRARY 20 hot blooded records written expressively for those who like their sex scenes down and dirty and very explicit! All subjects covered, including those that are taboo! We have mountains of these prick teasers for your reading enjoyment- and for as little as $1.99 each . . . a savings of up to 81%!

Cover Prices up to $14.95 for as low as $1.99 each

Furry Things debut 7" J Masscis spends a week in Dunedin with David Gedge. Or Something.

Miss Universe Duh lp/cd. New Wave Power Punk. Like all those Trance bands, but with songs.

Memphis Goons debut 7" Memphis teens listen to too much Beefheart and Zappa and get real gone. Their families hated them. Now you can, too.

Greenella "short fuse" 7" Unknown outside of Denton, big in France. "Quasiment parfair!"

Fuckemos Can kill you cd Wanna buy some drugs?

Wet "eating our is fun" 7" some left. $1.99

Hormones "cartographer of love" 7" A few of these 1-siders left. $1.99

Matt Ship/William Parker Zo cd Absolutely brilliant piano/bass duo. Whatever were we thinking?

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time (which appears at left) was found in the July 5 1995 issue. The paper also runs a number of mail order ads including one which offers audio and video tapes of speeches by Farrakhan like "Why Got Hates Divorce (Parts I&II)," "Mating: The Idea of Genetic Engineering," "Satan and The Mastery Of The Sexual Urges," and- I kid you not- "How To Give Birth To A God (Parts I-V)."

DRUG USE IN THE US: In Memphis this summer, I was struck by how healthy and robust the garage/punk show-goers seemed. Upon returning to Austin, I noticed how sickly, wan, pale, frail, and all strung-out the kids look here (especially, of course, at Emo's- the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Austin music scene). I have two theories which may explain this cultural phenomenon. Theory #1: Here in Austin, we have a more serious heroin and pill problem. In the last month I have seen two bands take pills on stage, one band even threw their extras into the audience (some recipients sucked 'em down immediately, not even knowing what they were.) During a recent discussion of this situation, Craig Koon observed, "Did I mention it's really punk?" A brief and incomplete survey of the Memphis scene suggests that most you rock'n'roll Memphians drink and smoke. Maybe that's why everthing's so slow there. Sedate. Theory #2: The incredible soul food available in the Bluff City is next to impossible to resist no matter what altered state you happen to exist in. And food like that tends to foster a healthy plumpness if you're not careful. Most of the folks I know up there are too poor to be fat, but Memphis' sons are strong and healthy and its daughters are voluptuous and beautiful.

BEWARE BEER DRINKERS: There was once a famous and brilliant astronomer named Tycho Braghe. He lived long ago in Italk or Denmark, I think. Despite his wealth of empirical knowledge and astronomical know-how, he must've lacked in common sense. Or he just got too drunk. For one evening he drank too much at a party and presumably got stuck in too long a bathroom line. His life was cut short that evening, as he died of an exploded bladder. The moral: Drink responsibly and always join the potty queue about ten minutes before you have to go.

Dictionary diagram of BOOMERANG

Naked Chicks: who gives a damn?

Last November, some kid from the Daily Texan took a bunch of pictures of me for a project he was working on. He wanted to document a day in the life of a stripper. When he showed up at my house that Saturday, I was fixing migas and he said, "Oh, wow, you're cooking. I should get some shots of that." Then he took pictures of me putting my pants on one leg at a time, too.

Well, a few months after that, a young features writer called to tell me she was writing an article about students who stripped and wanted to interview me. Leah, the writer, used to work as a door girl at a titty bar in Austin, so I figured she wouldn't write anything too off base. I talked to her, and a week later, the article was published.

So, the story is published in which I and my friend Shea are quoted talking about the many positive aspects of dancing. I said that I always wanted to be a stripper, ever since I was a little girl, and Shea said that dancing was a great way to study human nature. And basically, we both said we liked our jobs and wanted to keep them as long as possible. The Texan utilized a ton of those photos that had been taken of me — so there I was, everywhere I went on campus that day, splashed all over the damn front and back of the paper. It was kind of cool, but I'll tell you this: it didn't even help me get laid!

The best part about this was the ensuing shitstorm of letters to the editor which came in the following week. I'd like to reproduce those letters here, since this is my fucking forum and I can respond. I never cease to be amazed at how uptight and condescending folks can be about my profession, and in kind, I never cease to be glad that most of the folks I know personally are enlightened enough not to have some of these reactions to my work. Some people, though . . . Here's a few of my favorite letters to the editor that ran about the "Student Body" story.