(seq. 58)

MMF letter #10 cont. (New York Aug. 17, 1793)

vided amply for her darling before she died & I was born, but
the war has depriv'd me of the pleasure she intended I should
have, in saying, Mama made these for me. This is a subject
not vey pleasing, I can't reflect without pain, that I was the
innocent cause of her death. I always thought & think
now, that if I am ever married, what she suffer'd for me, I shall
for another, believe me in such a case it will comfort me to
think I am paying the debt I owe. ——

I have not read much since I left you, but thought a great
deal. I began a tour with Brydone on our way here, but was
glad to leave him, as sick as myself, on board the Molly. —
I am very much delighted with Mrs Ward & her little Amy. Mr
W. wish'd me to stay with her while in town, I should have
been glad in accepting her kind invitation to have enjoy'd her
agreable [sic] society, but Papa, took me away from Grandpapa
Bowens & would not let me stay with Betsy, so we thought I
could not with propriety, that we have no reason as we had to
refuse in P—. How does J[?] go on, in the old way, this day
is excactly a year since he left Bethm in a violent passion,
because I return'd him his letters, without saying Farewell
even to his cousins [.] I know it was only to see me that he
came to Bethm had I recieved [sic] & read his letters on a day
which we devoted to prayer, & without the knowledge of Mr
Van Vleck, contrary to orders I should have mark'd that as the greatest crime I
ever committed in my life. I wrote to Betsy yesterday & told