ENPages
Newport, R. I. July 20. 1890
My darling Helen: I am going to write to you on a subject which may seem somewhat strange, particularly at your present age; but it is one upon which you are sure to hear, probably already have heard, a good deal of light nonsense talked. Nonsense is not always a bad thing; but it is a bad thing, a great misfortune, where correct and serious ideas are never even so much as named, in conviction with a matter of the utmost importance; when false
and serious views pass current as true and reasonable. I am going to write to you about marriage.
It is often said that marriage is the most important incident in a woman's life; and yet, in the same breath almost, it will be asserted that [word crossed out] marriage is a lottery. What a desperate view of life is this! that its most important event is to be decided by chance. But, on the other hand, what a faithless, what a wicked thing for a Christian to say; only to be excused on the ground of a thoughtlessness almost as culpable as unbelief. Can the same person believe that God will hear and answer prayer, and at the same time
believe that he will not overrule and provide the marriage most suitable, to those who ask His guidance. Here, however, is the real root of the evil. Most of those who call themselves Christians form their plans and their opinions of life, and to and from day to day, without asking God's guidance; and they are governed in their views of marriage by the views of the world, by the light foolish remarks of those with whom they associate. Money, good looks, a dozen other qualities desirable enough in themselves, are dwelt upon as the serious reasons for entering upon so serious a step. You will even ^(hear) some say that a man who leaves them alone to go their own way, is the husband they would have - a married life apart from one another. Truly when one hears such absurdities, one begins to ask why, in the [...], Folly and Wickedness are used as synonymous.
In one sense, my dear child, you are over young to think about mariage;I hope several ripening years of growth in grace andwisdom, may pass over your head before that time comes to you. But you have reached the age when, whether I like it or not, you will be hearing and talking and thinking about this and such things. Now let me say to you: "Be not a child in understanding, in Evil be a child, but in understanding a woman." Since marriage and relations with men must [...] be in your thoughts,
2
let all your thoughts in such matters be referred to God. Put yourself under His care. Don't, if you can avoid it, think or [...] yourself about your future; but do not be ashamed, at your early age, to ask Him that this may be His care. Ask Him that if He wishes you to marry He may [guide?] you to the man to whose care He will entrust you, and whose happiness and home it may be your privilege to make. To be dwelling on and waking to marriage continually is morbid; but to be daily commending yourself to Him is but prudent; for,
if you do not thus seek His protection, the momentous decision may come upon you unawares, and you may add another to the long list of unhappy souls, of whom it is written: "Lo, this is one who took not God for his strength, but trusted in him -self."
And so also be careful as to opinions you may form. "Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." I have not set out to frame a set of opinions for you, and I shall not advance any here. My one thought now is to induce you now to begin and later a Christioan view of marriage, which "is not to be 2.19