08281914 4

REQUIRED GREENVILLE DAILY PIEDMONT, FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 1914.

[Column 1]

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FRIDAY, JANUARY 28, 1914.
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THE WRONG TURN

In January 1911, Coleman Living-
ston Blease was inaugurated gov-
ernor. That day in traveling the
road of his life he came to a place
where it forked. He was at perfect
liberty to take either the right or
the left hand highway where the road
forked. He had to make a choice.
While the choice was being made
his destiny trembled in the balance.
In his inaugural his decision was
shown as to the path he would travel.
He could have pitched his address
upon a high and lofty place, he could
have forgiven his enemies, poured
balm upon wounded spirits and pro-
claimed a purpose to be what a gov-
ernor should be, the governor of all
the people. That was one road he
could have taken and by taking it he
would have lost enemies, not friends.
He would have confounded those who
were predicting that his administra-
tion would not add to the peace, hap-
piness and prosperity of the state.
They would have been struck
dumb. He had a wonderful oppor-
tunity to seek to prove he was a
broad patriot and not a narrow par-
tisan. He could have made thousands
who had voted against him feel that
he had been misjudged or misrepre-
sented, or both. Had he calmly and
temperately discussed public ques-
tions and invited the backing of those
who had opposed his election, had he
urged them to support him in his
work for the progress of South Caro-
lina, he would have made himself the
strongest man in the state. What
a golden chance he had that day,
such a chance as seldom comes more
than once in a lifetime and to but
few men at that.

But Blease chose the other road.
Elected as a factional candidate he
preferred to be a factional governor
and his inaugural address was far
more of a stump speech than a state
paper. Right then and there he made
it certain that his triumph would be
temporary. Had a stronger man, the
more versed in politics and more
forceful on the stump, opposed him
two years ago, we would have had
a one term governor. But he
managed to get a re-election by a
narrow margin and in his second term
was even more highly partisan then
in his first.

And now the [stormy price?] of
South Carolina politics [blurry] to
private life, but not to the vantage
point of a county that he can surely
carry as has been the case hereto-
fore when he has suffered defeat in
state politics.

It is a pity that he chose the road
he did. A man with the magnetism
he must have [weld?] to himself so
large a personal following had great
chance for effective serevice, if [blurry]
have broad vision and high ideals.
------------------------o-------------------------
HASTY JUDGMENT.

When the War started, because
he is the head of a great military
power Kaiser Wilhelm was generally
thought to have estimated to use
his power to protect it. Though in-
exorable logic proves Germany had
everything to lose and nothing to
[cut off]

[column 2]

war for military glory and aggran-
dizement. One of the first to blame
Germany was Andrew Carnegie, who
urged all men of peace to hold Kaiser
Wilhem guiltily accountable for the
war. But, after reflection, Carnegie's
views are changing, as are those of
thousands of others, who are begin-
ning to see the monstrous improb-
ability of the charge that a nation
which has never warred for terri-
torial aggrandizement and which was
prospering more than any other
should desire a war which would de-
stroy its prosperity and might even
cause a loss of its independence. Af-
ter thinking it over, Carnegie sent
this message to the London Times
for publication:

'The German Emperor has not
been proven guilty. I believe he has
been more sinned against than sin-
ning. Rulers are seldom overruled,
but they are unable to control
conditions of international quarrels.
History alone will record the truth.
The Emperor, who alone of all living
monarchs preserved peace for twenty-
six years, is now entitled to the bene-
fit of the doubt.'

When it is all over and impartial
historians review The War, we feel
sure that the German emperor will
get better than a Scotch verdict of
"not proven" as to the charge that
he was responsible, directly or indi-
rectly, for causing the cataclysmal
conflict.
------------------------o-------------------------
THEN AN NOW.

Fifty years ago today the world's
first railway mail car was given its
official test. Two mice were re-
sponsible for the idea. Before that
day the mail was distributed accord-
ing to addresses at certain designated
postoffices, which usually were the dis-
tributing points of whole states. It
was slow and laborious work. At one
of these distributing points, Green
Bay, Mich., a pair of mice made
their home in a pouch that had lain
in the postoffice for several days.
When the pouch finally reached its
destination, near the upper shores of
Lake Superior, the recieving post-
master found not only the rodent
home-seekers, but also a large family
of little mice. They had made beds
of chewed-up letters. The post-mas-
ter reported the matter to the Chi-
cago office and sent along the mice
as an exhibit, which are received
by George B. Armstrong, the assis-
tant postmaster. To preven a re-
petition of such an occurance, Arm-
strong sought to speed up the mail
service, and finally evolved the idea
of having the mail distributed on the
trains while in transit. The plan
was ridiculed. One man declared:
"The government will have to employ
a regiment of men to follow the
trains to pick up the letters that
would be blown out of the cars."
However, the first postal car, an ordi-
nary baggage car equipped with
racks and pigeon holes, made the ini-
tial run from Chicago to Clinton,
Iowa, fifty years ago today.

Today every nation in the civilized
world is distributing a large part of
its mail matter in railway mail cars.
In the United States over 18,000 rail-
way mail clerks are separating over
90 per cent of all the mail originat-
ing in this country and a large
volume coming from foreign lands.
They have saparated in a single
year nearly 23,000,000,000 pieces of
mail matter, not including registered
mail. They travel an aggregate dis-
tance of 500,000,000 miles every year
on the 27,000 domestic transporta-
tion routes having a combined mile-
age of 450,000 miles. The service
has been raised to the highest point
of efficiency today and the present
ratio of errors in distribution has
been reduced to one in 10,000 pieces
of mail. The clerks are expected
to distribute the mail so that there
wil be no rehandling in the post-
offices of large cities and to separate
it into packages, corresponding with
each mail carrier's soute in the cities.
In the case of the largest cities they
must separate it according to section
of sub stations. Considering the speed
at which the clerks sort the mail,
the swaying of the train plunging
along at 50 miles per hour, the thou-
sands of railway connecting points,
the locations of over 60,00 post-
offices in the United States, and the
illegibility of the hand written ad-
dresses, it becomes a marvel how
the railway mail clrk can work
without a greater proportion of
errors.
------------------------o-------------------------
THE BIRDMEN.

The great difficulty about making
intelligent comment upon the pro-
gress of The War is the lack of au-
thentic information upon which to
base comment. Not only are false
reports being sent out from some
official [blurry], magnifying skirmishes
into battles and turning defeats into
victories, but correspondents unable
to get to the scene of conflict or to
obtain news are eveidently drawing
upon fertile imaginations to earn
their pay. To further complicate the
situation, some newspapers in this
country are publishing as cablegrams
from Europe stores which bear in-
trinsic evidence of having been com-
posed in their own offices. Only om-
niscience can tell what is true and
what is false in the maze of alleged
[cut off]

[column 3]

the early days of the war Raoul Gar-
ros, an intrepid French aviator, hero-
ically rammed a German Zeppelin
with the biplane in which he was
flying, gladly sacrificing his life in
order to inflict greater loss upon the
enemy. We were also told that ev-
ery French aviator had sworn to do
the same thing when he had the op-
portunity.

Many, many volumes could be filled
with the editorials lauding Garros'
feat that were published in this coun-
try. For instance the Slate went
into ecstasies over the "spirituality
of courage" shown by Garros and we
were assured that only the French
could show such "spirituality of
courage," whatever that may be. If
Garros really performed the feat
ascribed to him it was worthy of all
praise save that which made an in-
vidious comparison. Bravery, even of
the highest type, is not monoplized
by any race, color, nationality or
creed. All can rise to the highest
heights of daring or sink to the
deepest depths of cowardice.

It seems terrible to rob the French
of the glory of that exploit of Gar-
ros, of which American papers print-
ed pictures drawn by imaginative
artists, but it may never have occur-
red at all. The New York Times
publishes a dispatch from the Hague
in which a Hollander paper is quoted
as stating that it had heard from
a friend of Garros to the effect that
the latter is alive and well and never
rammed a Zeppelin as reported.

Better authenticated, because com-
ing from the enemies' camps, are the
stories of the heroism of a German
acronaut who, during the greate bat-
tle on the Franco-Belgian frontier,
hovered over the lines of the allies,
despite all their efforts to destroy
him, and signaled to the Germans
the location of the allies, so that
they, knowing the exact range, could
place their shells where they would
do tremendous execution. While that
was not as spectacular as the deed
credited to Garros, it was far more
effective and needed substantial cour-
age and not the supreme resolution
of a moment's heroism.
------------------------o-------------------------
A GOOD EXAMPLE.

The announcement that the South-
ern, the South's greatest railroad
system, has just let additional con-
tracts for double-tracking and that
this work is to be begun immediately
will be welcomed not only because of
its promise of needed and speedy im-
provement of this section's trans-
portation facilities but as a demon-
stration of the confidence in the
soundness of conditions in this
country. The millions it will spend
in the South for its improvements
will be small in their benefit to our
business in comparison with the good
that will flow from the practical ex-
ample of faith in the future of this
section and in the present of the
whole country. If we all keep our
heads and go steadily or with ex-
ecution of our plans and purposes,
just as if there were no war in Eu-
rope, no harm can come to this coun-
try from ther interruption of its com-
merce with European countries.
Hurrah for Southrn. Every dol-
lar spent now in improvements is a
dollar doubly well invested. May
the Southern's example be followed
by all of us to the limit of our
abilities.
------------------------o-------------------------
A SAFETY CHECK.

The charge against Blease was
that he stirred up factionalism. We
hope there will be no other fac-
tionalism. There should be no hard
feelings. The majority decided and
there should be acquiescence in its
will.

In some of his speeches, Governor
Blease made threats that if he were
defeated he would do direful things
during the remainder of his term as
Governor.

We trust that that was just cam-
paign thunder. It will be deplorable
if bad feelings are stirred up. But
if common sense does not lead Blease
to accept the result gracefully, the
tremendous anti-Blease majority in
the legislature will doubtless make
him sit up and take notice. He
would not want it recorded in the
legislative journals of this state that
he was impeached. The general as-
sembly will meet and organize be-
fore he goes out of office as gov-
enor. It is said that nine out of
ten members of the new house are
anti-Blease.
------------------------o-------------------------
ONE BRIGHT SPOT.

War has its courtesies as well as
its necessities. When Germany faced
a world in arms rather than desert
her eldest friend in the family of na-
tions, it became a military necessity
for her armies to pass therough Bel-
gium. Though the Belgians are not
friendly to the Germans and were
expected to side with France and Eng-
land, Germany doubless regretted
that force was necessary. A nation
fighting for its life against a colas-
sal combination of foes could take
no chances. The Belgians were told
that if they permitted passage of the
German armies no harm would be
done them and payment would be
made for all damage, and none of
their territory would be taken at the
[cut off]

[column 4]

not, their neutrality beem violated.

The first [occasion?] to passage of
the German armies was made at
Liege, where there was a gallant de-
fense of the forts. In command of
Liege was Generam Liman, who had
never seen active service. He held
his post bravely. When the fort in
which he was stationed was smashed
by the terrific German artillary fire,
he was found pinned down by debris.
Taken before Gen. von Emmich, he
offered his sword in token of surren-
der. It was handed back to him as
evidence of the appreciation of his brav-
ery. That courtesy is one of the few
bright spots in the sombre picture of
The War that have been coming to
us.. Brave men appreciate the cour-
age of their opponents.
------------------------o-------------------------
PUT IN A HOLE.

Over in North Carolina the Re-
publicans have certainly put the
Democrats in a [state?] by promulcating
a more Democratic platform than the
Democrats themselves put forth. The
Republic platform contains planks
advocating principles and policies
that the Democratic masses, though
not the Democratic houses, of North
Carolina favor. The Tarheel Demo-
cratic papers are having a hard time
trying to make the worse appear the
better platform. For instance, here
is a paragraph from the Durham
Herald:

"While the Republicans declared
for a state-wide legalized primary,
there is no telling whether they did
this because the wanted it or simply
in the hope of embarrassing certain
Democratic leaders."

If we were editing a Democratic
paper in North Carolina, we would
freely and frankly admit that,
thanks to the manipulation of the
Democratic bosses our party has the
worse plaform , once election of the
Democratic candidates on the basis
of comparison of pas administrations
in North Carolina by Republicans and
Democrats and wage a vigorous cam-
paign to drive out of power in the
Democracy those politician respon-
sble for the anomalous situation of
the Democratic party going into a
campaign with a less Democratic
platform that that of their Repub-
lican opponents.
------------------------o-------------------------
The change in the French cabinet
is just what was to be expected when
the French began to be defeated.
The alibi is being prepared. Despite
the censorship, it is beginning to leak
out that some of the French troops
have no behaved well in action and
that the administrative end of the
military department of the French
government was deficient. The
change of the cabinet is said to have
been due to a desire to give all
French parties representation in the
government during this crisis, but it
is also evident that there were other
reasons for the change.
------------------------o-------------------------
It seems that Governor Blease's
"enemies" cold and did help them-
selves. His general mistake was in
regarding and treating as "enemies"
those who disapprove of some fea-
tures of his administration.
------------------------o-------------------------
Suppose, when the European ac-
tions are exhausted by The War Jap-
an should start an Oriental Monroe
Doctrine with Asia for the Asiatics
as its rallying cry. Sooner or later
that will be Japan's policy.
------------------------o-------------------------
The second primary will soon be
over. Then lets all settle down to
the business of making South Caro-
lina the most prosperous, progressive
and law-abiding state in the nation.
------------------------o-------------------------
If Blease is going to locate in An-
derson to practice law, he will have
no use for the curry-combs that are
being sent to him from various parts
of the state.
------------------------o-------------------------
An Anglophobic insists that the
reason the sun never sets on the
British Empire is that the Lord
wouldn't trusst those people in the
dark.
------------------------o-------------------------
They will soon be able to organize
a Society of ex-presidents of Mexico
over in Europe. Huerta reached
Spain and Colonial England yester-
day.
------------------------o-------------------------
Are the Austrians imitating the
Germans, and the Russians the
Franch in their war reports? They
are just as contradictory.
------------------------o-------------------------
If you wait long enough in politics,
youcan see the other fellow spoil
his digestion with crow, jsut as you
have.
------------------------o-------------------------
If the English cable were cut, the
stooppage of war poems would help
reconcile us to the lack of news.
------------------------o-------------------------
The peace temple at The Hague
was dedicated about one year ago.
Make a hospital out of it.
------------------------o-------------------------
Possibly some candidates are now
sorry that there was no elimination
before the primary.
------------------------o-------------------------
When the bell rings for the 1916
race, Duncan and Cansler will be at
the scratch.
------------------------o-------------------------
Browning and the two Smiths
missed a chance to gracefully side-
step fate.
------------------------o-------------------------
John T. Duncan will now hibernate
[cut off]

[column 5]

Palmetto Press

A Welcome Respite.

The political howling will soon be
over in South Carolina for another
two years. Let the calamity howling
be eliminted along with it. Get
down to Business,—Rock Hill Herald.
----------o----------
Better Teach It Now.

We do not like the Japs mixing up
in the row between Germans and
the English, French and Russians. It
is a white man's fight with which
the little yellow man should have had
nothing to do. Sooner or later the
Japs will have to be taught a lesson.
—Orangeburg Times and Democrat.
----------o----------
All Together.

South Carolina wants just now un-
ion and fellowship. The victory has
been over a bad political system, ra-
ther than over fellow South Caro-
linians. Let there be no gloating in
personal triumph as over some for-
eign foe. Because 'they have rubbed it
into us for two years ago,' is no reason
for us to rub it into them now. It
was not a good thing for them to do;
and less would it be a good thing now.
—Newberry Observer.
----------o----------
Fighting Odds.

We are not taking sides in the
great European conflict, but recent
developments force us to the conclu-
sion that the Kaiser's men are some
strategists and some fighters. The
odds are heavily against Germany,
but she will only be licked at an im-
mense toll. Many a ship and many
a soldier will go down before, if ever,
she is conquered or beaten, either
on land or sea, is our belief.—Harts-
ville Messenger.
----------o----------
An Easy Life?

There is a prevalent belief that a
preacher takes life easy, and reaps
where he does not sow.

The other day I talked with a
preacher who mentioned being tired.
He had preached 29 sermons and
made 51 calls in two weeks.

Think of 29 sermons in a room
filled with sweating people, breath-
ing close air. Think of talking and
gesturing for an hour, twice a day
with a heavy coat and high collar on,
and the thermometer above ninety.

Then consider that two weeks
may have been absolutely wasted—
may have accomplished nothing!

The preacher is welcome to his
job, so far as I am concerned.—Foun-
tain Inn Tribune.
------------------------o-------------------------
What Others Say.

Amen! Amen!!

We should recall all missionaries
from China and other heathen lands
and send them to Europe.—[blotted]
Herald.
----------o----------
Woful Waste.

If the immense sums that are now
being expended in the destructive
work of war could be diverted into
constructive channels what wonderful
things could be accomplished! Eco-
nomically and otherwise, war is ter-
rible calamity. It is certainly to be
hoped the present conflict will be of
brief duration—Winston Sentinel.
----------o----------
Has Nine Lives.

The Crown Prince of Germany has
been killed on the field of battle
twice, wounded thrice and banished
to the Russian frontier to take charge
of the German army all in the short
space of thirty-six hours, if one
would believe the reports coming in
regarding this young man. Must have
the nine lives of the proverbial black
cat.—Raleigh News and Observer.
----------o----------
Thanks to Napoleon.

The beet sugar industry owes its
origin to the genius of Napoleon Bon-
niparte. During his reign sugar had
become more than a luxury and was
much sought. As England controlled
both the [seas?] and the sugar industry
of the West Indies, he conceived the
idea of developing the beet sugar in-
dustry so that the French might be made
independent of the rest of the world
so far as its sugar supply was con-
cerned. Our sugar [bucks? beets?] are full
of the history of the gradual de-
velopment of the industry, the extreme
[?inn] of the beet juice by the old rol-
ler mills and later by hydraulic press-
es, and we might say only recently
by diffusion, and this great industry,
producing now nearly half the sugar
of the world, is the child of his brain.
—Houston Post.

Anecdotes

Bad Acting.

One East Sider said to another:
"How did the [bad?] masque come
out?"

"Very poor," was the reply.

"You don't say so! And how was
Mary Lamping as the Goddess of Lib-
erty?"

"Rotten!"

"Rotten? Didn't she act the part
well?"

"No, she got locked up."—New
Orleans States.
----------o----------
Deceived.

Little Willie was left alone with
sister's beau.

"Mr. Chumpley," he presently said
"What is a popinjay?"

Sister's beau wrinkled his fore-
head.

"Wh-why. a popinjay is a-a-vain
bird."

"Are you a bird, Mr. Chumpley?"

"Certainly not."

"That's funny, ma said you was a
popinjay, and pa said there was no
doubt about your bein' a jay, an' sis-
[cut off]

[column 6-7, top section]

VEST POCKET ESSAY
Volcanoes
By GEORGE PITCH
Author of "At Good Old
Copywrited by George Mathew

A VOLCANO is a mountain which
is insurging against the uni-
verse.

Most mountains are quiet and well-
behaved, remaining in the same spot
year after year and allowing tour-
ists and other insects to swarm over
them and among them without pro-
test. But the volcano has a system
of manners that is all its own. It is
connected directly with the furnace
room in the earth's interior and when-
ever it gets peevish or dissatisfied
with the government it erupts.

When a volcano erupts it does
things on a grand and awful scale.
It blows its top off, throws ten-ton
boulders through the nearest post-
office puffs smoke three miles into the
zenith, spits fire at the dog star, spills
melted rock over half a dozen town-
ships, emits roars which can be heard
a hundred miles, rocks the surround-
ing country until the buildings get
[seasick?] of brimstone that it smells
like a theatre during a Paris Revue.
Nothing is more terrifying than a
volcano when it is in full cry except
perhaps an I. W. W. orator who is
explaining on a soap box why he is
entitled to eternal rest.

Volcanoes are very fatal, not be-
cause they are so violent, but because
they are so placid between outbreaks.
After a volcano has blown itself limp
and empty it sometimes sleeps for a
hundred years, while fields grow over
its site and people build towns with
joyful abandon just in the wrong

[article continues on column 7, top section]

place. Then the volcano t
on its sleep and the under
not get any vacation for
three years.

The volcano is usually
with a crater, which is a
hot throat looking a good

[cartoon of volcano with people atop]
"Allowing tourists and other [insects]
to swarm over them swarm over them w[ithout]
protest.

Pittsburg, in high tariff time
ists love to climb good-nat
canoes and gaze with awe
seething fires below. But
known this sight does not
the tourists' morals, suggest
le.

[return to columns 6-7, middle section]

HEALTH TALKS By WILLIAM BRADY
Acetanilide the "Harmless"

BEFORE you take your next dose
of headache powder, "cold" or
"grip" cure, neuralgia, pill or
readyreliefforthattiredfeeling, hold
the label up to the light and read thereon
this legend:

Each ounce contains 56 grains
Acetanilide.
Guaranteed under the Pure
Food and Drugs Act,
June 30, 1986.

But don't let that stop you. The
poison is none the less "harmless" for
being mentioned on the label. The
law merely requires mention of the
dangerous ingredient in case you
should die suddenly, you understand.
Acetanilide, sometimes called
phenylacetamide, and Phenacetin,
sometimes called [Acethphocoetidin?], are
two drugs with practically identical
action. Antifebrin is another [blurry]
for poison derived from coal tar.

The Danger.

Now acetanilide is a good pain re-
liever when rightly used. It is inclu-
ded in the United States Pharmaco-
poeia, the standard list of drugs for
physicians. But, like man y other
good medicines, acetanilide is poison-
ous, expending its power mostly on
the heart and the blood. The very
persons who are most subject to
"colds," "grip," headache, neuralgia
and that-tired-feeling, can least af-
ford to imperil the strength of their
hearts and blood.

Two grains of acetanilide is the
average quantity contained in pills,
tablets or capsules sold under the fake
"guarantee" of the benevolent govern-
ment. Such a dose, repeated hourly
for two or three times, fills the blood
with an amount of heart-depressing
poison equal to or greater than the
maximum safe dose for a normal indi-
vidual, to say nothing of an invalid.

The Result.

Then comes a strange, numb, flut-
tery sensation, perhaps a faintness or
a sense of want of air. This is the
first effect. Next the lips an finger-
nails assume a dark, bluish tint—the
blood is being changed by the poison,
oxygen crowded out of the red blood
corpuscles. If a larger does or many
doses have been taken, nausea and
heaart failure soon appear. And much
more often the public is aware

[article continues on column 7, middle section]

the patient's troubles are cut
death. The death certifica[te]
simply "heart failure." T
ordinarily cares nothing a[bout the]
cause of the heart failure.

Of course acetanilide ne[ver]
anything. It relieves paind, f[or a-]
gue and discomfort of all
at what a terrible cost!

Examine the label. It
policy to obtain temporary
are starchy foods interd
doctors who presribe diet for
trouble?

Reply

After several years of alter
sideration I am unable to ap
question. Perhaps we cut
starchy foods because that is [the sim-]
plest way to make the patient
You know many patients
than they can warehouse.
* * *
H. S. S. writes: Two doc[tors have]
examined me and disagreed o[n the di-]
agnosis. Dr. A. says I have
sitis. Dr. B says I have g
Dr. C, my present physician
sayin' anything. But he su
X-ray photograph. Would th
the question?

Reply

Cholecystitis (inflamation
gall-sac) often accompanies g
An X-ray photograph might
stones clearly, or it might not
ing to the chemical cahracte[ristics of]
stones.
* * *
Inquisitive asks for treatm[ent]
ing apparently [blurry] to pea
structions to correspondents
what are the symptoms of
cltis?

3. Whould you advise your
become a nurse?

Are nurses allowed to
glasses.

Reply

The typical symptoms are p
in pit of stomach, later in rig
side. Vomiting. Fever. Rap
Constipation.

3. Yes, if she is strong, but
ambitious.

4. Yes.

[spans bottom of this article across cols. 6-7]
Dr. Brady will answer all questions pertaining to Health If yo
tion is of general interest it will be answered through these co[lumns. Dr.]
Brady will not prescribe for individual diagnoses. Address a[ll letters]
to Dr. William Brady care of The Daily Piedmont, Greenville, S. C.

[return to column 6-7, bottom section]

FLASHES OF FUN

A Poor Weapon.

"You are an iceberg!" exclaimed
her elderly adorer, pale with anger
and mortification. "A dozen cupids
with one hundred arrows could
never find a vulnerable place in your
flinty heart."

"Not if they use an old beau to
shoot with," calmly replied the ador-
ed one.—Exchange.
----------o----------
Drawing the Line

Suburban Resident—It is only fine
to wake up in the morning and hear
the leaves whispering outside your
window.

City Man—It's all right to hear the
leaves whisper, but I never could
stand hearing the grass mown! Ex-
change.
----------o----------
Man's Specialty

"Women may learn to smoke and
drink."

"Well?"

"But they will never adopt the
habit of getting behind a newspaper
at breakfast and contributing only
grunts to the conversation."—Pitts-
burg Post.
----------o----------
That's How It Is

"How is it that a man can carry an
umbrella over another man's wife
more satisfactorily than he can over
his own wife?"

"He cannot. He just thinks he can
because the other man's wife is too
polite to tell him what she thinks of
his clumsiness."—Houston Post.
----------o----------
Indeed Serious.

"Was it a bad accident?" "Well
[cut off]

[article continues on column 7, bottom section]

Qualified.

"Is the boy trustworthy?"

"I consider him so. I'd trust [him as]
far as I could see him. Of cou[rse, I'm]
mighty nearsighted."—
Plain Dealer.
----------o----------
How Can He?

Mrs. Bacon—"I don't think [that we]
should keep anything from h[im.]

Mr. Bacon—Not unless it [is some-]
thing he doesn't want the p
to know."—Yonkers Statem[an]
----------o----------
Natural Mistake.

He—"What that you've

She—" A hat, of course."

He—I thought it was
fence—Columbus Jester.
----------o----------
An Absent Family.

"This plant belongs to the [entire]
family."

"Ah! And you are taking c[are]
while they are away." Bo[ston Trans-]
script.
----------o----------
In Animalville.

Coon—I see your wife has
sleeping in a bed.

Possum—Yes she hangin' al
enough for her.—Life.
----------o----------
The Effect on the Boss

Hoax—"The fellows who
brewery drink all the beer the

Joax—I should think th[at he]
would have his hands full—[Mem]
phis Record.
----------o----------
Getting Around It.

"No, Willie dear, said mam
[cut off]