gcls_campsevier_092

TRENCH AND CAMP ELEVEN

[Headline and byline span columns 1 and 2. To the left is a caricature of a bald officer with a pipe, labeled "CAPT U KNOWITT." To the right is a caricature of an officer wear is a hat and a cigar in his mouth, labeled "COL. I GESSITT."]
ANSWERS
TO SOLDIERS' LETTERS
Conducted by
Capt. KNOWITT & Col. GESSITT

The following questions have been
received and the editor's answers are
given:

Q. ''If I miss my laundry what should
I do?'' Private K. C. B., Depot Bri-
gade.

A. ''Fix your bayonet and charge
the laundry.''

Private Williams (medical stores)
writes: ''I learn that the little chick-
ens at home are falling over to rise no
more. What do you suppose is the
matter?''

A. They're dead.

Corporal Mullins, 322nd--Q. ''If my
bayonet breaks off in a German what
should I do?''

A. Runlike the dickens.

Wolf (base hospital) Q. ''Is it true
that a miss is as good as a mile?''

A. Yes, and some are a sight better.

Dollar Bill (at remount). Q. ''A
young lady in Greenville wants to
have a soldier come from Camp Se-
vier to her her home three night's a
week and promises cakes and hot
chocolate along with the rest of the
entertainment. Should I do there?''

A. No! Where did you say she
lived.

Passons, Company K, 323rd: ''How
can I keep from walking in my
sleep?''

A. Take carfare to bed with you.

Sergeant ''M,'' Field Hospital: Q.
''My captain refuses to let me go
home?''

A. Don't go.

Sergeant Johnstone, Company F,
324th: Q. ''Do you supvose my girl
loves me. She sent me a sweater she
knitted herself?''

A. It is very doubtful.
[continued in column 2]

NOT AS AWFUL AS IT LOOKS

It would seem that no one could go
through a modern battle and come out
alive. And most parents who have
sons going into this war take a
gloomy view of the outlook; but the
dangers are not so great as they ap-
pear from this distance. The Military
Hospitals Commission of Quebec has
kept an accurate account of the casu-
alties of Canadian troops, and gives
the following results of its observa-
tions:

''If your boy goes to the front: 1/4

''He has twenty-nine chances of
coming home to one chance of being
killed.

''He has ninety-eight hvcances of re-
covering from a wound to two chances
of dying.

''He has only one chance in 500 of
losing a limb.

''He will live five years longer be-
cause of physical training.

''He is freer from disease in the
army than in civil life.

"He has better medical care at the
front than at home.

''In other wars from ten to fifteen
men died from disease to one from
bullets. This war is less wasteful
than any other in history.

''Only ten per cent of all Canadians
disabled for further service have been
physically unable to engage in their
f[or?]mer occupations.

''If your boy is one of the ten per
cent the Government will re-educate
him in another vocation at which he
can earn a living.''

[continued from column 1]
Corporal Jones, Q. M. C.: Q. ''How
can you tell a fool?''

A. By the questions he asks.

Q. Is desertion ever justifiable?--
J. H. Smith, Depot Brigade.

A. Yes, when divorce fails.

Q. Is it atrue that one side of
a trench is safer than the other? If
so, which.

A. The inside.

Q. What troops will make the best
charge?--Lieut. Just Inn.

A. Those drafted from the plumbers
and pipe-fitters union.

Q. What should be done with a bu-
gler who blows taps at reville?--Capt.
I. M. Worried?

A. Try beating tatoo on him.

Q. If a second lieutenant wears
brown braid, and the ones who wear
black braid are first lieutenants, what
would an officer be who would
wear pink sleeve braid?--A. Bone
Head.

A. Be arrested.

Q. Can you suggest a good plan
for embarrasing a M. P. I'd like to
put one over on a fellow who patrols
in town every night?--I. N. Late,
Ambulance Company?

A. Ask him for a dime in front of
a crowd.

Private Watkins, Company F, 114th
Field Artillery: Q. ''Can you help me
with this position given me to work
in the battery: If a three-inch gun
shoots four miles, how high is an ar-
tillery horse?''

A. This was very cleverly worked
out by the professor who wrote the
noted book on 'Horse-shoe-strings,''
but he died of hay fever before his
observations could be published.

THE BOYS OF TENNESSEE

They do us wrong who say we have
no pride,
That we've lost that patriotism for
which our fathers died.
He, who questions us as to our loy-
aity
Has closed his eyes to truth, refused
to see.

Aye, let him go to yon mountain side,
so blue
And gaze with wonder on our soldiers
tried and true.
For as he looks he'll read on every
face
fixed determination to uphold the
race.

Old Glory's their star that guides
them on each day,
Shining forth with splendor to light
them on their way,
And God in heaven looks down into
every heart
And watches over them as they do
their part.

No braver men on any battlefield have
fought
Than those that dear ''0ld Tennessee''
has wrought.
Flower of manhood, ready to do or
die
And ''Victory for Old Glory'' is their
noble battle cry.

--Alice O. Sturm, Oct. 1917.

[Spans column 1 and 2. An illustration of a baseball glove, with:]
Reach
Special
TRADE
REACH
MARK
Reach

A large and Well As-
sorted Stock of
Athletic Goods

For Indoor and Outdoor Sports, Au-
tomatic Supplies, Guns, Rifles, Car-
tridges, Camp Supplies, Kitchen
Supplies, Base Ball Goods.

We extend a welcome to all
soldiers.

Make our store your Headquarters.

Sullivan-Markley Hdw. Co.
223 N. Main St. Phones 77-78

A PLEASANT THOUGHT.

When the rifles cease their firing,
And the cannons cease to roar.
When the Kaiser sees his finish,
When we fight and kill no more
You and I will then be happy,
So will many millions more,
When we soldiers cease our fighting
And the Kaiser is no more.

Until then our sacrifices
May be many, may be great
Tro courageous and true hearted
We must bear then while we wait,
Father, Thou who are in Heaven!
Wilt thou cause this strife to end
Give us once again ''Oh Father!

IT WAS ''PLUMB'' PUDDING

''Charlie, dear,'' said Mrs. Newly-
wed, ''this is my first plum pudding.''

''It looks rather nice,'' said Charlie,
dubiously.

''Do you know, I was wondering why
we call it plum pudding when there
isn't a plum in it.''

''I fancy, my dear,'' said Charlie,
having eaten a little, ''the word should
be spelt 'plumb,' which you will find
by the dictionary, means 'a little mass
or weight of lead!'''

Peace on earth good will to men.
By C. C. H.
Bat. F, 113th F. A.

[Spans column 3 and 4]
SOLDIERS
Eat where you know
The Food Is Clean
and of a high quality
The Royal Restaurant
is the place.
111 West Washington Street
On the way to the P. & N. Station.

Attention Soldiers!
A warm welcome awaits you at
Benson's Drug Store
The newest and cleanest Fountain
in the CITY.
Norris and Allegretti Candies, Flowers.
A good line of Cigars.

Drop in every time you are in town.

EAT AT
The Horse Shoe Lunch
CLEAN, QUICK SERVICE.
MODERATE PRICES
Owned and operated by Americans.
210 N. Main St.

Hotel Imperial
Greenville, S. C.

THIS, ONE OF THE LARGEST AND BEST IN
THE STATE, has a warm welcome for Mil-
itary Men and their relatives and friends. Make
your reservations for them here. If they come to
visit you unexpectedly bring them to the hotel
just the same.

Make yourselves at home in our lobby and let
us serve you in our Cafe or Main Dining Room.