Julia_Chapter_22

Clifton had been educated in the roman catholic faith and when he or Julia did attend public worship, it was generally in the churches of that denomination of christians. The inclination produced by habit was now strengthened by the tenderness with which Julia attached herself to every thing relative to her husband, and that sanctity which death imparts to any recollection of departed friends. The good father duB. while attending the ceremonials and pious offices of enterment, had taken an opportunity of pouring the balm of heavenly hope and consolation {into,unto?} the bosom of the afflicted widow. His words had fallen like seed upon good ground and had instantly taken root, for the ground was prepared. Long had Julia's heart been seared and dried what it were by the continual sunshine of prosperity--and the seed that was then sewed withered on the surface. But now like the natural soil softened by genial showers, or prepared by the storms and frosts of winter, storms of adversity and the tears of sorrow, softened and prepared the heart of Julia, for the lessons of religion. It was then rather from the suggestions of the heart, than the decisions of her judgement, that when Julia wished to join herself to some christian community , she had selected the roman catholic. Mrs Brunel was so deeply interested in the welfare of Julia, both here and here after , that she was greatly distressed at a measure which she deemed as dangerous as it was eroneous. Julia listened with undivided attention to all the arguments and expostulations of Mrs Brunel, and wished it were possible for her to conform her views to those of a frined she not only loved but revered. But she felt that her peace, depended so exclusively on her religious sentiments, that it was an imperative duty to be firm and unyielding on this point. She was sensible of the force and the justice of the objections Mrs Brunel made against some of the doctrines and forms of the catholic faith. To these she aparted as she had no argument wherewith to oppose them ,"This being the case" -said Mrs Brunel "how

my dear Julia, can you adhere to a cause you cannot defend." "Will you hear me as I have heard you," said Julia--"with the same patience, the same indulgence?" "Indeed I wish my dear--to speak freely and candidly"-Well then, I will confess that altho' I have made a profession of this faith, its peculiar and distinguishing doctrines appear to one as mysterious,(I will not use the harsh word you used) and as incomprehensible as they {are?} to you--But my dear friend, I see not how I can make a better choice, for since the doctrines of the protestants appear to me equally mysterious and incomprehensible. You have from injury been brought up in them, and viewing them through the medium of your own habits and convictions, it is impossible, I know it is impossible for you to see them in this light. It is the same with the roman catholic-habit, for there are habits of the mind--has reconciled nay even sanctified in their eyes, these things you object to while things to which you attach importance --appear to them equally erroneous and more fatal. But my mind is free from any bias to one side or the other--I have been accustomed to hear all denomnations--all doctrines and forms, of with equal indifference. And when I have, as you know I have lately done, deliberated on this matter--The doctrines of either church, seem to me equally incomprehensible and equally mysterious--And when I wished to {only set them?} to the analysis of reason--you have told me--reason was not competent to the task--that reason must be laid aside, in a question above its powers and this subjugation of reason, to faith, is equally necessary in the adoption of either the protestant or catholic creed, on this point therefore I had no difficulty. In fact I found what you said to be true and have sincerely endeavoured in conformity to your advice, as well as that of father du B. --to believe that which I could not pretend to understand--I would be a hypocrite were I to say, that as yet I do believe in the full extent of that word, but, as much more enlightened minds than mine have believed--I still hope that this faculty may be imparted to me. In the mean time my dear friend, while I am waiting for that, which I have no power to commend-my heart has found consolation and support in these doctrines, hopes and promises which I can understand. I would feign embrace all of religion that is { an any power?}

and in a comparison between the protestant and catholic faith, the latter has seized with most force--shall I say-my mind? no, rather on my soul--The cold and formal ceremonies of the protestant worship chill my heart. The duties of your clergy are almost confined to public worship. Not so, the ministering servants of the catholic religion--They devote, every day and all day to the instruction of their people--They are truly the spiritual fathers of their children--The actual pastor or shepherds of their flocks--leading them through the dark and dangerous ways of life--supporting them under its difficulties--soothing them under its afflictions--To this ministry they devote themselves with a goal and fidelity beyond the belief of those who have not experienced it--Oh when the heart is bursting with its sorrows-- all the relief, the comfort of pouring out all its feelings into the ear of a tenderly listening friend--When sinking beneath the burden of its sins--how does the aid and advice of a spiritual director lighten the load--when weak and fainting--what strength does his councils import-Frail as I am, my friend--never could I tread this straight and narrow path of duty if not supported by such a guide. There is something in this religion that kindles my heart and exalt my imagination-- that lifts me as it were from heaven to earth! "Oh, there it is my dear friend," said Mrs Brunel, pressing Julia's hand and looking earnestly in her glowing countenance-There is the charm--the imagination--it exalts the imagination-But religion my friend is not a thing of imagination--it is a positive, sacred principle, simple and sober in its nature,-and this imagination has led to more errors-"Oh spare me," said Julia, interrupting her, "spare me, I know what you would say--but do not destroy the illusion, if it is an illusion. My heart is accessible only through my imagination--shut not then the only door, through which religion can find its way to my heart. No matter, dear friend of which way it gets there, so that it does but penetrate--does but charge--does but purify, that { ?} of error and of passion"

There was a fervour in Julia's manner not to be resisted-Mrs Brunel paused to reflect in such a case what was duty. Her own strong convictions of truth--compelled her to urge the same views on her friend--But she was checked by this last appeal--"shut not the only door" she repeated to herself--"No, I wish not dare to do so--but I will humbly pray that the devine spirit may open some other way to your heart, more free from false and dangerous delusions." Her eyes were raised as in devout asperation, while these thoughts passed through her mind.--And the sacrifice she at that moment made of the strong impulses of self-will--which prompted her to enforce and insert on her own ideas of religious truth--was a sacrifice with pleasing in the eyes of him who regards the motives of action, or reads the heart of man. This struggle over--she pressed the hands of Julia in her own and raising them, and looking with ineffable sweetness and mildness in her face--"Seek," said she"seek and you shall find the truth. Some are led by one way, some by another--some by love--some by terror--some by persuasion--some by argument--the way is not prescribed--but the command is given--"seek and the promise is --ye shall find". Our object being the same, we will not dispute about the way by which it is to be attained-God has promised his holy spirit to be the guide of such as seeks in {scrunity?} and to his guidance dearest Julia I commit you." Here was the triumph of a christian spirit--over the natural pride of opinion--a pride which governs too often-- religious, as well as political controversy; the triumph of spirit over form, for modes of faith let bigots fight the real christian will contend only for its pure and vital spirit Julia no longer met with oppositions from her best and most esteemed friend to the favorite project, on which her mind had long dwelt. That of entering the Convent George-Town. When Mrs Brunel still ventured to press on her consideration the active duties of life, which attached to every member of society the many benevolent institutions in which she could apost--the large family of the ignorant and poor where she could instruct and relieve--Julia would answer--"I know myself--this self knowledge has been{ denied, derived?}

as you well know from a full and painful inference of the temptations of life. Jis my friend--I know myself--and know I am too feeble to nearest these temptations, were I again exposed to them. For its pleasures I have no longer any relish--for its arduous duties I have not strength--But sheltered in this holy retreat if I cannot do so much good--neither can I do so much wrong. Hereto, there are social duties and tho' withdrawn from the busy scenes, I shall not abandon the duties of society--Rosa and the other pupils committed to my care will be the bonds which will unite me to the human family. The fact was, that altho' purified by the divine spirit of religion, the character and dispostion of Julia remained still the same. Her restless and active mind, required objects more commensurate with its powers, than those found in the monotonous and limited circle of domestic duty, and beyond this circle, as she had explained to Mrs Brunel, she felt her weakness to sensibly to dare to venture. The high duties and benevolent objects which this lady had pointed out to her, lay in the midst of that world so from whose seducions and dangers she dreaded to encounter. Within the safe and holy retreat on which she had fixed her desires she should find as she said an asylum from herself, a security from those impetuous feelings--aspirings of an ambitious mind and wanderings of an ardent imagination, or rather--those inherent and indestructable principles of her nature, would in this community find objects on which they might be exercised with safety to herself and advantage to others. This society in itself a little world within itself, contained objects of an interest and magnitude that would occupy all the powers of her mind and satisfy all the desires of her heart. Here she could devote herself to the instruction of Rosa without interruption or distraction--here fuel would be never wanting to keep alive the holy flame that had been kindled in her soul and which she feared might be extinguished in the chilling atmosphere of the world. To such arguments Mrs Brunel had nothing to oppose and D'aubigne who knew the character of his friend still better than that lady, highly approved of her design. He was well aware of the weakness and variability of Julia's best resolutions, that her feelings tho' accute were transient-that the flame tho' bright and ardent, might be short-lived. He had looked forward with anxiety and apprehension to the time, when the poignancy