Letter: Roger Farquhar to Anna Farquhar, January 23, 1862

2021. 0006. 0003R2

COPY

Lonesome Hollow 1st mo. 23^rd 1862

Dear Anna [RBF's sister]

I told you my state of mind with regard to a certain subject about one week ago and you have not alluded to it since and I have refrained from doing so that you might have time to weigh the subject, and now I appeal to you for some advice and council, though I know the matter alluded to is a thing I must decide in my own mind and an undertaking I must accomplish within the intervention of others, yet I am so perplexed with doubts and uncertain of the way in which I ought to proceed that I scarce know whether I have any sense left and indeed they told me at Uncle Roger [Brooke]'s this morning that I was crazy, whether they know it or not it is nearly the truth.

[P inserted]

I cannot stay at home and attend to my business as I ought to do and I cannot contribute anywhere I go. I think that anything would be prefferable to this state of suspense. I have allowed my feelings to outrun my judgment and have been completely carried away without sufficient assurance that I am in the right path. I do not see how to endure the state I am in and do not see how to alter it.

[P inserted] The one I have looked to for advice [Mary] has given me but little encouragement and has advised me not to show the young lady any marked attention at her present home and discouraged my doing what I have several times almost made up my mind to do, that is to come out openly and declare my feelings.

[P inserted] This you all say can be avoided and that a gentleman need never be refused but I think I would as leave be refused openly as to discover myself that I would be, and the circumstances are such that I see no hope of coming to an understanding in any other way than the one I have mentioned. Could I see that by delaying to do so I would be doing my duty I would try to be easy, but the meddling teazing way that is in practice in this neighborhood prevents my sociability and we have become more and more distant and restrained toward each other though I know it is not my wish and hope and pray it is not hers.

[P inserted] One great obstacle in the way of our acquaintance is the scrutiny of a number of the family she is in, [Stanmore], though it would not have much effect on me if I were a little more certain of my cause. I can see that it imposes a restraint on her and I fear is likely to continue to do so.

[unsigned]