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2021.0006.0003 [?]2-1 COPY Lonesome Hollow 12th mo 13th 1861 Dear Cousin Mary After having read thy last letter over, I suppose then or a dozen times I have come to the conlusion to anwwer it as I believe I am now sufficiently calm to do so though I was not for some days after receiving it. I have almost made up my mind several times not to write to thee again becasue I was afraid of giving thee trouble, and making thee uncomfortable to some extent on my account, and in the latter supposition I have not been mistaken it appears from thy saying in thy last letter that thee had worried thyself sick on my account.
[ P inserted here for readability; text continuous] Now dearest of all dear cousins though I appreciate and hope I am sufficiently grateful for the interest thee takes in me I do not wish to have any unnecessary trouble on my account. I hope the feeling I have for thee may ever remain the same and that I may never forget the obligations I am under, and so far from being affronted at any falt thee tells me of I love thee the better for it, though I am affraid thee will find me a poor pupil. I was affraid thee felt provoked with me during our interview in the passage, but it is impossible to describe to thee what my feelings were from first-day eveing (after I read thy letter) until that interview, I had not been in the most comfortable state of mind previously and several things in thy letter, comentirely of hope, and had it not been for the advice which I am so much obliged to thee for, that I should not discontinue my visits at Stanmore, I do not know how I would have extricated myself from the difficulty I had gotten into. I could not see as thee did how it would be regarded and only thought of gratifying my own pride and independance by staying away from where I thought I was not wanted or my company appreciated. The propriety of thy advice however struck me directly. There is one thing though that we do not agree upon and that is that I take offence easily, my feelings are very easily hurt by any slight or indifference, notwithstanding a fair lady of our acquaintance has told me I was "cold indifferent and hartless". I may appear so but I have an easy conscience knowing that I am not really so, it is said that it is only the truth that cuts, but it was not from this reason that my feelings were so much hurt upon hearing that CARRIE [written twice as large and underlined] had said it was vanity and self conceit in me to say that on your accounts I would wait on you.
[ P inserted here for readability; text continuous] But because I thought she entertained a better opinion of me than this and was sufficiently acquainted with me to know that what I said was not from any such motives. This in connection with some other things in thy letter made me affraid she had said it in earnest but I do not now believe she did, though I may be too confidant in this respect. I must admit that my happiness as respects this life is wholy at her command and should she confer upon me what my heart most earnestly desires it is my fervent prayer that I may not prove unworthy of her and that she might never have
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2021.0006.0003 [?] 2-2 Roger BF to Mary Hallowell -2- 12/13/'61
cause to regret such a step, but should it be otherwise though it would be the greatest trial I was ever subjected to I hope I should not forget to rely upon that all wise and merciful Being who orders all things for the best and whose strong arm is able to protect us from all harm.
[P inserted for readability] Thee said thee wished I had been at Rockland to hear Uncle B, I always enjoy hearing him speak on such matters and also in listening to his preaching because I believe he is good and is sincere in what he sayd. I regret that we are all not more concerned about our future welfare and though I cannot feel that security it is the privilege of some to feel, I think that everything should be subordinate to a preparation for that life which has no end. I am often struck with the little difference it makes how things go in this life which is but a few days at most, so we are making a preparation for the one to come.
[P inserted for readability] Thee said though it was difficult to believe, we would have to believe that the way of the righteous man is the easiest, I have not a doubt but that it is the case for where this confidance is felt the ups or downs of this life are harmless in their effect and our true pleasures are not diminished, as Cowper says,
Religion does not censure or exclude Unnumbered pleasures harmlessly pursued.
It is time for me to stop preaching without I was better than I am for it is said thou must remove the beam from thine own eye that thee mayst see more clearly to take the mote from thy brothers eye.
What will we most likely be doing eight weeks from now, how soon the time will be here. I can hardly realize what is to take place, [Mary's marriage to Willie Brooke] but with all sincerity I wish you a long and happy life and that I may ever remain thy attached cousin,
/s/ R. B. Farquhar