RK-319

Chicago May 20^th

Dear Bob

Andrews handed me your highly characteristic letter yesterday - in it I find the following - "Is "it possible you still feel "ill" about that "unhappy matter of his missing letters."

Now, Bob, I don't feel "ill" about it ^now whatever I may have felt when I heard you had (as I then thought) abused my confidence by sending my letter to your father - I don't know exactly what tone to assume in this letter,- for if I speak plainly and truthfully as I prefer doing I run a risk of hurting your feelings - but I know you prefer "calling things by their right names," - therefore I speak so that we may understand each other. In writing you that letter I did so in the fullest faith that you would explain or have it explained in the most delicate possible manner - at least if you thought I was wrong you would spare me the pain of hurting your father's feelings. Had I not been actuated by this feeling I sho'd have written him myself and had it been any other man - I care not who - I should have demanded an explanation -

But you know, Bob, I love your father full as well as I ever did my own and prize his friendship and kind feeling too highly to subject it to

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such a test as that - That I did not act hastily, my delay of nearly three months proves. That I did what you, yourself, or any other right thinking man would have done in the premises, it is only necessary you sho'd know the matter fully to understand admit.

Here are the facts. Your father writing to our office, has, time and again, his correspondence abstracted. There are between himself and us four Post offices with their numerous clerks and agents - through all of which the letters must pass to reach our hands. It had been suggested time and again to your self and the whole family that the let ters were stolen at some one of the Post Offices at your end of the line - but this idea was not only emphatically but on one occasion indignantly objected, and as often as urged it was combatted by the assertion that of your belief that they were taken from our "box by some one in the office". These are your father's own words to me - more than once. Now I ask you to answer plainly: had some one made such a charge against yourself and companions - there are only four of us "in the office" Bragdon, Bird, Cox and myself - what would be your feel ings? Then comes that letter to Wright stating that your father believed his "letters were witheld suppressed by some interested party." Now, Bob, who could be the "interest

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party"? You must admit the charge was definite and narrowed down the range to Bragdon while he was here - but Bragdon goes ^went east and I have ^had charge of the paper while he is absent. - I don't care about following this matter any further

Your father wrote me immediately on the rec't of your's, enclosing mine and I think I never felt worse than after its perusal. With his mind as delicate and sensitive as a woman's -

I wrote him begging his pardon - humbly and self-accusing - I made no shadow of a defence - but I felt as if I could choke you if you were in reach. Your own letter to me with its reproaches and epithets I overlooked - deeming it only the hasty ebullition of an honorable mind, incensed that your father should be thus thought of. I felt as though I could not forgive you readily - though I haved already done so before the rec't of this last letter. You know, I love you better than ^any male friend I have and if I can't help feeling jealous of you some times you should have generosity enough to at tribute it to the right cause. I have been as "blue" as an indigo bag for the past two or three months and with good reason for a more worthless, "no-account" "somebody" than the subscriber it would be hard to find - Spare me a lecture in your next for I have resolved what to do - I got to Kansas next Satur day - shall be in Alton on Sunday and if you can come over I will be very[triple underline] glad to see you. I shall stop at Mrs. Fitch's

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By-the way, Lizzie has been here and has gone home again. I go to Kansas, (with Horace White), to see what prospect there is of making a fortune - (don't laugh! If I think I can succeed there I shall return in about two weeks and fix up things here and go back again. If not I shall come back and graduate in 1858 or leave the country. Now you mark my words I'll do one or the other so sure as my health is spared me, Deo volente. I send you the two or three back no's of the P.F. with one or two of my articles marked. Enclosed ^{in them} please find something which I know will like.

Miss Boyden is in town. I shall go to Rockford with her on Friday. I do like Delia. It is such women as her ^she who make men let out of such purposeless fellows as me I am. Do you know, Bob, Miss Fitch loses in comparison with such a woman as Delia?

Now you know, they're both older than I am - so I may speak of them with some in terest and not be accused of playing Spooney

I wish I was near you so I could speak with you of a thousand things which I can't write. I must tell you tho', of Andrew's pane gyric on you at table the other day. It was yesterday, come to think of it, when I made some remark about your curious letters, writ ten on some half dozen different pieces of paper.

Somebody, nameless of course, said there was a good deal of affectation about you and I very cowardly held my tongue but Doc soon made my ears tin gle and I fancy the speaker's too.

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By-the-way, one source of my "blues" is the eter nal comparison I make between myself and Andrews and the knowledge that he must think so meanly of me - but let that slide - I will be somebody "one of these days" - maybe - I can't tell you all Andrews said - nor would I if I could because you'd be so confounded ly stuck-up - you wouldn't know ordinary people - Suffice it to say he made the author of that speech take it all back and made me feel mean for not having spoken just as he did, instead of waiting for him to defend and absent friend. -

Praise from Andrews is more than most men deserve whether it was well or ill-bestowed in this case I really won't undertake to say - but will break right off here by [illegible] myself

Ever Yours Frank -

P.S. 1 Write me if you choose - care Horace White, Qui Lawrence K.S. I shall see Arny while I am gone - Can you come over to Alton on Sunday the 24^th-? I wish you could

Frank

P.S. 2. You say you are out of Stationery so I send you a sheet or two of paper and a few Envelopes in the P.F.'s.