05. Nellie's Letters, March-April 1865

Norway March 17th 1865

My friend Harry

Having allowed myself once to be guided by you will I find I have lost the power of resistance to a certain extent, but since I must obey it shall be in in my own way so far as writing at any rate, which I mean to say " -- I'll write just when I please!

To forget you would be impossible when I am so completely surrounded by tokens of your thoughtfulness, and overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude, and at the same time, of dismay at having received so many proofs of an affection which I have not

fully returned. However insensible I may be of the "grand passion", I assure you I appreciate the high compliment you have paid me, and do most sincerely wish your affection had been more worthily bestowed, but what is, is, and it only remains to make the best of it whichever way it ends. My conscience smites me that I am not more decided, -- that I do not either make an unconditional surrender or beat an inglorious retreat. You may be sure I shall do one or the other before many weeks. Justice to you demands it, and my rule is, do right at all hazards, when it is plain which is right.

Your letter was received Wednesday, and has been read -- how many times I shall not say because your vanity is already large enough, thanks for it, but -- more

for the "Good bye" I received by telegraph Monday afternoon, It seemed very like a verbal parting, and from being so unexpected was doubly welcome.

I am very glad your traveling acquaintances are so pleasant, and should not be surprised if you had such a jolly time that after the first day or two, you did not find a chance to think of "the gall you left behind you". Such is the nature of male bipeds.

The days have passed so quietly that it seems a month instead of a week since you left. Last evening the reading circle met with my sister that is to be, but I felt so stupid that I did not much enjoy it. Next week they will come here. Won't you honor us by your presence?

The "C. L. L.", a young ladies

secret society, which was organized three years ago but has been asleep ever since, is now being revived and will occupy one of my evenings. The gentlemen are invited and it is made a very social affair.

Would you like a ticket of invitation? All the girls of "our set" go and will doubtless exert them selves for your entertainment.

"The long long weary day" came all night, -- it comes quite often -- and will hardly be sung without some bitter thought of the donor. I hope I may never sing it from my heart, realizing the bitter woe of an only love lost forever more, because I "would trifle with my love".

Mary and Mr Merrill are here, boarding at Mr Greely's. I know you are longing to see Mrs M -- your dear cousin. I have not yet had

that pleasure. The Col. has come back, and shone resplendent last evening -- perhaps from contrast with the weather, which has been indulging in a "spell" for the last week, during which time we have had but one pleasant afternoon, and as Ive improved that by taking a ride, I secretly wished that "my Captain with-out-the whiskers" were near enough to "take a sly glance at me", the result of said glance being left to the imagination.

When you write me from California please describe your surroundings and the routine of your life that I may know just where to find you when in my thoughts I make the journey to your distant home, -- now I can only think of you, "Through the midnight sailing, sailing, Listening to the wild winds wailing, and the

[left margin:] goes California ward. Don't flatter yourself that the prism is very large with this friendly caution -- don't trust me too much, -- I subscribe myself as ever Nellie L