Richard William Weiland Papers

After the speeches we all got up. At ourtable was Dan, Andy Krom, Chris Wrigh]], Jeff Wedgewood + his wife, ?, Chris Horron and Bob Raphael, what a fun table!? [pink highlight] Bob asked if we wanted to go for a drink and I suggested the Broadway or Bafferts. As we were leaving Bob said we should invite Paul, so we did but he said he was tired so probably wouldn't makeit, while waiting I wished Bill congrats and said I hope to also make some contribution now that SEC is lifting its restrictions on my stock. Probably not such a wise thing to say in front of Bob Raphael who asks for money yearly. He noted that "we left you sorta out of this" but I just said "yes I was just sitting in the corner with the class '71" which I [pink highlight] should've followed with "So I wouldn't have to get up to speak," but I wouldn't have wanted to show that weakness of ability, so I guess it was best not to say. And it was in character for me just to be quiet. [pink highlight]

And I said if I were here today I'd spend all my time in that building, and Bill said "Yea there'd be a lot more places in hide the decrapes." To which I laughed loudly, sincerely, and we part.

Then Bob + I talked with Paul. And afterward I made one more pass through the Boys Locker room. Funny...As I left, I walked slowely watching a crowd of Seattle's elite, knowing I was a part of it, yet knowing I was also very separate. [pink highlight]

On exit, I stopped and said hello to Fred Wright. He seemed especially glad to see me, and I think I had one at my best conversations that night. Thoughts came easily. No pressure. I invited him to bring some students to Microsoft sometime.

I left with Tim Peterson, inviting him + Raymond Gray to Bafterts. Paul was walking behind us with his sister, and I asked if we ever had parties in the refectory. He said, "I tried to invite you to those parties" and I realized he was right and that being latently gay then divided us too. [pink highlight]

As I left the campus, I took such a wealth of memories, which are obviously quite strong since I've been able to recount most of them here. It had rained while we were inside, but not now.

Drove to Baffert's, and Chris & Bob, starting to ask are you married. Are you divorced? Just said, no time, and switched the subject to Paul's girlfriend. Asked Bob Raphael. Yes he is married.

SO INDEED, ON TOP OF THE DIFF IN CONCEPUAL SKILLS, BEING GAY IS A BIG SEPARATOR FOR ME. AGAIN I DON'T FEEL TO BLAME, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF KNOWING MYSELF, MY LIMITS, MY WEAKNESSES, MY FEARS.

Dan showed up and we connected again. He looks so much a respected architect. Anyway that was a nice was to wind down. Scotch & soda. Coffee & Baileys.

11:30 But I still didn't want to go home yet so I drove back out to Lakeside, so many memories of the evening recirculating and even at home I kept feeling a great warmth from years ago which is no logner with me.

1:00 To bed.

Sat Sept 26 '87

Partly cloudy

8:30 Got up. Misc.

9:30 Write up some of yesterday herein.

10:15 Misc

10:30 Go to work. No urgent mail.

11:15 Helicopter ride with Charles, Bruce, Cliff. Felt some acrophobia, but not too bad. Wearing headsets to hear everybody and music too (David Rose's Stripper.) I was glad to be back on the ground though. Saw Microsoft & Lake Samamish & some big ranch type properties.

After snack at Burnside McDonald's, I went up to park + found the fruit loop. Rich Miller showed up. And I met David Fitzpatrick (waiter) and then Bill F came.

Had lunch around 3:30 with those guys at downtown Arctic Circle. Low class fun.

Then Bill + I went back to park a while. He left around 5:30 so I cruised a while then went to Cocoon out on Hawthorne.

Portland east of river sure is a dump.

La Prinze Gym is there to but it closes at 1:30 Saturday and doesn't reopen till Monday morning. Small city.

After movie I got a room at Riverside Inn + went out to CC Slaughters + The Zoo. Fun. Even Paul Sparrow was there. Lots of people were friendly and music was classic + good.

Craig Mason was there and fun to dance with but pretty stoic. Hot.

After all that I went to Embers. Just kids but Eddie, big black football player was there. Took him home to hotel. Hot man.

Sex in morning too.

He left at 11:00 fortunatunately.

Breakfast + drive back.

Lunch at El Torito in Tacoma.

4:30-6:00 Exercise. 6-7 Resettle.

7/18

Think some more. Go to gym. Bob was there. Not too boring. Home for snack + J/O + go to C. Rhyme for gold coin + deposit with July Archive into Safe Deposit Box. Go get Photos too. At home, reconcile State Farms payments to what I ought to get. I did well since they didn't charge the deductible and I got money for that jewelry. Decide not to update Pers Acct for that or other depreciation till this winter when I have more time. Make new to do list. Business clothes are highest priority.

Buy Tenactin. Pick up Church's chicken for lunch. Eat in backyard in the sun. Read WSJ in sun. Take MAC to Bob's office + show him pictures of parade. Exchange boxers for "slim guy." Buy Brads 501s. Go to work. Find tacky Microsoft 10 year poster of Bill + Paul. No other mail. Go home at 5:00 pm.

Before + after dinner I reread "Dress" and made shopping notes for tomorrow.

Then I read CPA Exam book. Realized again I'm not a business person. I am a scientist,

they will be getting cheaper.

WHY HAVEN'T I MANAGED YET?

(Most of these ideas were generated in Spring '83 + rehashed in Oct '83).

- No experience. I never plan parties, etc.

- Not talented at strategy or games, Marketing, Production, or Business

- No social skills for handling a great variety of people

- A bottom man in life. A cleaner/organizer.

- I CANNOT LEAD OR INSPIRE.

- I DON'T TELL STORIES WELL.

- VERY PICKY ABOUT who I spend time with. UNCOMFORTABLE + BORED WITH most people.

- I'm too fragile, unable to handle controversy and ambiguity.

(SO I'M NOT UPSET AT NOT HAVING $$

- I'M DIFFERENT FROM BILL + PAUL

- CAN'T do Business, so I don't need $$.)

The reason I've looked at diaries from 82 + 83 is to see what's left unresolved. I still dream about living in California where I can have good environment + friends, and out of this develop a lover + home. So I've seen in May '82 + Oct '83, WHEN I COULD'VE LEFT SEATTLE, why I didn't leave. BUT SINCE JULY 8, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON RESOLVING WHAT TO DO WITH PERS ACCT. This includes serious considerations ~ moving.

5-10:30 Work on Bob's budgets with him.