ENPages
1
April 25, 1958
Dear Mother,
Perhaps writing you this is not wise but I thought I'd better reiterate what I told you over the phone, since you were so upset. I am not angry about your contacting my doctor. I simply do not think it was called for. I found out quite by accident and did not even intend to mention it to you. I don't resent your action, but I do think that you were not in line to do it. Why ask me how I am, if you feel it necessary to call & ask my doctor the same question, later, & without my knowledge? The fact that you tried to lie about it when I asked you not to do it again is also in bad taste. It also destroys all those seemingly understanding things you wrote not long ago about how you realized that a mother's place is to stand by as a friend, once the children are grown & leading their own lives. You can't seem to "stand by". It was with reservation that I gave you the doctor's name in the first place, but I thought that you were going to act as your letters indicated.
Of course, I was nervous when you & Marie were here. You make me nervous.
2
2 You get emotional as you did on the phone and condemn my feelings in matters of my own concern, as you also did over the phone. I don't like that, & there is nothing I can do to change it, so when I see you & one of those emotional things coming, it makes me nervous. You didn't approve of my marriage, & you don't approve of many of the things we do, & that also makes me nervous when you are around. Finally, I can never be sure what you are doing in regard to me, & without my knowledge, & I think that would make anyone nervous. That is why I have never felt it wise to be open with you in regard to my activities.
You are, of course, your own judge in regard to what you do, but in regard to me please learn to give my wishes some consideration. This will be your first grandchild, & naturally you are eager to see it. I would prefer that you wait until it is a couple of months old, & we are a little bit settled in the routine of being parents, before you come to see it. Also, I wish that you and Daddy would come together when you do come for the first time. After all, if you are grandparents at all, you are grandparents together. I know that you have both the means & the time to fly up for a weekend, and
3
3 if Daddy was able to fly up as he did before the wedding, I should think that he would be able to do so under these circumstances. You have made dark implications that for some mysterious reason, this is out of the question. I don't value implications, so unless you choose to tell me the reason as it reflects me, I will ignore it. My last conversation with him was pleasant, so I assume that his attitude has become somewhat adjusted, as yours has, in regard to our marriage. You quoted him as saying I had "dumped" you two. I haven't "dumped" you any more than any child does who finds it necessary to make "the break" against parental opposition. I welcome you as parents, but no longer as guardians of my actions. When you tried to influence me against my will, I stood firm in my own decision regarding what was best for me, & will continue to do so. It is not a new story, though some parents are able to see & understand it & step back when the time comes. I hope that you
4
are beginning to understand this now, & will respect our wishes as well as our privacy. That is up to you. I wish that you & Daddy could break through your own difficulties enough to realize this together. If you could, it would certainly go a long way toward forming satisfactory relationships all the way around.
Love, Marcia
