Diary

I guess I was, that summer (77), trying to get a mind that would be something more than just supertechnical. I wanted to learn to take risks (I didn't develop this concept at all), to be less analytical and more "organic" in my environment. I used the phrase "bet my mind." I wanted to become intelligent, not just a programmer. From playing tennis that summer I realized that life has real successes and real failures just like tennis (or programming). But it is hard to know when they occur. What is a success and what is a failure? It is that sort of thing I wanted to deal with. I watned to learn how to be persuasive as well. This is all an outgrowth of my need to achieve. My life was getting dull due to the stagnation of doing the same things over and over and I needed more excitement.

Well, this last year hasn't exactly proven exciting, but its had its good moments. I have done a lot of managerial

work and learned about some very technical things I didn't fully understand before this year, like sorting, searching, DBMS, AI, and about the history and development of the computer industry and especially languages. But the work has had a primarily managerial ring or flavor about it. I have done very little programming myself. The programming I have done is primarily bug fixes and IO routines for the compiler and runtime. I have managed testing a lot. I have managed marketing as well. I wrote documentation so that others can benefit from my work and I wrote it well so that it would not hinder me in the future. Good communication is a big part of management. I have also planned schedules and practiced sticking to them. I am getting better at this. I have done a lot of customer work. And I have had (sort of) several people working under my direction (Colin, Bud, Ken, Andrew, Dick).

This is very good and necessary if I am to continue in software

but not write any myself or at least nothing that I've done before (which isn't much). I have done technical management over the last nine months. Now it is time to do marketing management. I said once (at Christmas '76) that I thought the most intriguing parts of work are the technical and the marketing. So that is what I'm now doing.

One aside: I dislike working with engineers. I guess that is why I wrote up a technical COBOL document so that I would have to spend as little time as possible on it. I like dealing with mangers such as Joan Carter, and Chuck Peddle.

So what do I want to move on to in the long run. There are some notes here: Would being gay hold me back from top mgt? Would I enjoy big company politics, climbing in a company, etc. I have never been that agressive or political but this may have to change as I begin to see challenges that lie ahead. I do perform well. But that's

only half of it. You also have to have an image, you have to advertise and let your performances be known. That is the other half not yet developed. You simply need to show what you've got to offer.

I have lacked some confidence in this regard. The only way to build confidence is to try your hand at something and see how well you do and what potential there is. Nevertheless I can be embarrassed. Well there's no other way to learn. Perhaps that is why I like working with computers: no embarrassment is possible but you can grow a lot. But you can play tennis better now thanks to practice. And you have a feeling of "being" on the court that gives you a great presence of confidence.

I have learned now that work cannot be all exciting but that all of it should contribute to the benefit of later excitement. Like writing a technical document so that it will be easier to manage an implementation of COBOL-80 on another operating system. This is all

very relative. That is what may be exciting to you one time may not be another time. That is why management development is so crucial. We don't want to get so bored that we retire on the job. Work must be kept exciting by bringing new people in to do work that we have outgrown. We don't like that particular work but they would love it. Quite a bit of perspiration may be required on our part but we should't be bored. There should be inspiration along with the perspiration.

This brings us up to thoughts I had on work in the 2nd and 3rd quarters of 1978. After finishing a lot of reading in the 1st quarter I began to ask myself what do I want to do? I also asked this of Bob Greenberg. We discussed a lot of alternatives but nothing solid. I had realized that if I enter into any sort of business I want to do it with someone, like Bob. So I had good opportunity. I also asked of myself, what do people use computers for and what could the consumer market use? I