Personal writings

[green ink unless otherwise noted]

BOOK # 4

I spent most of the Fall in a rather mellow, reflective mood. This was the first time I had money few commitment wanted desperately by MSoft time to think in a long while. The only work was completion of simple Applesoft II features, and get used to the decisions of switching to mgt leaving trader behind leaving LA behind forever leaving OC behind for awhile [blue ink in left margin] this took quite a bit of deliberation and faith. [/blue ink] I realized that since I can't psychologically program anymore, and since MSoft is only one offering job, I am virtually forced to go. And in a way, I am trading an interesting social life for interesting work.

So I worked out a deal with Microsoft. It wasn't easy since

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I was very much in love with O.C. that fall. [blue ink] 11/25 But I later realized I don't care for OC during 8 months: winter (dull) Mid Nov-Apr, Summer (too busy, hot) July - mid Sep [/blue ink]. I realized [blue ink] SAT OCT 17 [/blue ink] the big difference between my life during the week [blue ink] I felt Sil Val wouldn't be so bad during weekdays [/blue ink] and during the weekend [blue ink] 4/20/83 BUT CAN'T SWITCH MODES THAT OFTEN! [/blue ink] The most important thing is good work during the week, and the problem is what to do about fun weekends in Seattle, since it appeared to me that I must go. But I also considered Apple, and Commodore programming, even, but nothing panned out. I also realized [blue ink] ON SUN OCT 18 [/blue ink] how much time consulting can force you to work on weekends and [blue ink] on Oct 25 [/blue ink] how badly programming makes me nonsocial. This took up 3 weekends in October, but Halloweek [blue ink] SAT OCT 31 [/blue ink] was fun with LA + Harold, and so was LB with Soul of a New Machine. Very nice day!

Finished Applesoft II [blue ink] THU NOV 5 [/blue ink], and encountered some articles in Byte on DBMS which pointed me

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to design work at MSoft again.

Went to Paul Sparrow's party [blue ink] SAT NOV 7 [/blue ink] and home with Grady. Swell time, and during run on beach after "Chariots of Fire" [blue ink] SUN NOV 8 [/blue ink] I worked out the deal with MicroSoft get more for the 5000 options given up since MSoft thinks they're worth more go to Seattle in January so Xmas will be with friends 4 weeks of vacation [blue ink] instead of original 3 [/blue ink] so I can go to SF, etc. often I was eager to go and looked forward to a wonderful sense of freedom from contracts, yet still have a big salary. And I will know the company culture and the product very well! Thus I can concentrate on the people part of it!

Thus only reason against was the weekend situation. Lack of a community of gays. The only

[blue ink in top margin] TUES NOV 10 "Where would I like to spend my working days (my weekdays)?" [/blue ink]

[green ink unless otherwise noted] other place I could imagine going was SF, but discounted it as too cloudy, which is evidently wrong. It is sunny 66% of the time says places rated Almanac. But my recollections are that it is too hot, too intense for weeklong living. But I really don't know it that well. True, it is a little scuzzier than I'd like, but maybe I haven't seen it all, like Pacific Heights.

(Of course Sil Val is ultraboring + Chip being there would be tough. And LA is just not me.)

So I would go try living in a small gay community, Capitol Hill. [blue ink] WED 11/11 And then look back on Cal with a "more distant perspective." [/blue ink]

And I'd had a great time with Paul Sparrow, Grady Wiley, Tim, Chess book on beach, Kyle, Greg Vail, and also the two guys I'd met on Halloween: George Lanciotti + John, the big quiet lawyer. Finished off LA + flew to Seattle.

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2nd Half: [blue ink] FRI [/blue ink] Nov 13: really gloomy day. Tearful + sad. I can't live in Seattle! Weekend was even worse. [blue ink] And I felt the depression would keep me from managing people well. And Cobol was dead end. [/blue ink] But I discovered Micropro had 250 people. And contacted them, but after a lot of screwing around, going to San Rafael, going to Las Vegas, seeing Paul, etc., Bill dogged me [blue ink] TUES 11/24 [/blue ink] into again going to Seattle, but with only 6 month commitment [blue ink] (so I may as well give it a try) [/blue ink] + stock options starting at start of employment [blue ink] FRI 11/27 [/blue ink].

[blue ink in left margin] THIS AND BILL'S PLEADING CHANGED MY MIND BACK TO SEATTLE AFTER I HAD BAD TRIP IN MID-NOV. [/blue ink]

Most important, I saw that I could treat the job as if I could walk away from it, like NOT programming. This will motivate MS to support me and find me new guys!

But I WANT A BUDDY! Some one for Christmas, a family. And I want a community. Is it here?

[blue ink] WED 11/25: [/blue ink] "BEFORE I CAN HAVE A LOVER, I NEED A CONTEXT OF FRIENDS, AND BEFORE I CAN HAVE THAT, I NEED TO LIKE

[blue ink in bottom margin] 11/27 Develop social skills in Seattle, at work and at play, before moving to a more social city. [/blue ink]