Schlesinger Library

Very much indeed was the reply. But supposing there are reasons why it would be better for her to do so & supposing Monday Oct 25 1880 she likes him even though he isn't quite her ideal would she be doing wrong to accept him. That depends said Mrs Merriam. I have decided to keep a journal. I went to I don't school this morning we were dismissed this suppose morning at eleven o-clock because the boiler burst anyone I went to school this afternoon and we were discan find missed at ten minutes past three. I received a their very curious letter to-day I cannot tell who it exact is from, I will copy it here. ideal but if there are reasons Boston, Oct. 23, 1880 I think they Maud M. Wood might be listened to provided there isn't anyone else that the Cor. Bird and Myrtle Sts. girl cares as much or even at Dorchester Mass. all for & My dear Miss Wood. provided that she & the man whom she wishes to marry Yours of the 23 inst. came duly to hand and contents noted. Would say in reply that if you were not so old we would consider your application. We are in search of some one of more tender years. With eregrets we remain ever your e esteemed frinds have the same sympathies. What do you mean by the same Wiggin and Wood I do try to like Mrs Watson but I can't. Weather cold and windy. sympathies asked May

for the girl to decide. If she accepted [Jim?] she would please her father but if she refused him she should feel that she had had a chance to be of real Tuesday Oct 26 1880 help to the She [w?] [now?] [going?] family but had lost it because of her own selfishness. As she [home?] was I went to school this morning and had one [?] thought wrong in examples and failed in geography this This afternoon we had reading grammer Ned& and drawing. I have found out what that Black letter I received Monday, Saturday when just I was in papa's office I left a note which at I was scribbling on the desk saying that that if he wanted any female detective I would mo- be one and he answered me that way. I suppose that I do not write enough in ment this journal but I can't help it. I have Ned done my practising for to-day. It is cold Black and windy but not so cold or windy or windy as yesterday. overtook her I was coming up to see you to-night he said I've been trying to get around for a week. I suppose you've heard the news about Phillips. What news she asked. Why that he's going away Ned replied the firm wanted him to go out somewhere in the western part of the state & as it's a better opening than he has here he's decided to go I shall miss him awfully. May had made her decision in that minute for her feeling when she heard that Harry was going

a certain thing no more & no less & May saw that it required a great effort for him to speak at all at any rate in that way. She did not know what reply to make but at length she said slowly & in a way quite unlike her usual rapid fluent speech I don't know what to say to you except that you must believe I appreciate do understand how hard it must have been for you to tell me this and --why-- you have told it. I must feel that if any thing now it would be impossible I don't think I care for you in that way though I shall always have for you the strongest respect & gratitude & friendship. In justice to myself I must make what little excuse I can for what I did the other night. I was unusually unhappy & wanted to forget & I thought I would do what other girls do once. I can't understand why I let you kiss me of course I might have prevented it but in some way it seemed as though I could not. If you knew how bitterly I have regretted it you would not think the less of me for it. Don't speak like that May Harry interrupted you can never be anything but the most perfect woman in the world to me. You are too kind she said rising & I cannot repay you but I can be just & I will. We must forget all this [rather?] to-day but for I do not love you though if anything else [none?] had been possible I might have learned to love you Harry. She said it hesitatingly she had not meant to admit so much but For a second she saw that she had made a mistake but it was too late. But Darling he said quickly for don't misunderstand me it was not of I didn't mean to have you think it was utterly impossible if you cared for me a little I only wanted you to know how little I had how little I am but if you will be

intended if possible to ignore what had happened at any rate to make little reference to it to get the question settled once & for all. Monday Oct 25 1880. Mrs Stone was in the library with May when Harry came & May hoped that she would I went to school this stay but before long she excused herself & went to answer the calls of Helen. Harry thought that the circumstances excused abruptness & saying May you must know what I have come to say went & stood beside her. He waited for her to speak but as she did not he went on very quietly I am not ashamed or afraid to tell you that I love you but I must say that before the other night I had intended never to tell you. I was beside myself mad then & I broke through all my resolutions. Ever since For some time I have known that you were to me what no other woman ever has been more to me than anything & every thing else but though I have not been strong enough to put aside foolish dreams entirely I have said that I would keep my secret so that no one should guess at it. because I thought I could not tell you I loved you without telling you something else & the reason I did not want to do that is because I had & have nothing to offer you. I cannot could not hope to give you the kind of home you will leave & it will be a year or two before I could offer even a humbler one. I am not sure that you care for me in that way even a little you see I am crazy to think of it yet May I want you to know that I love you with my whole heart & that if you could ever be my wife I should wish no but I have not right to ask anything of you not even if you love for greater happiness. He spoke like a husband who has [determined?] to say

I mean liking the same things having the same answered Mrs M ideas & ideals of life. And you think that necessary said May to a happy marriage I am sure it is replied Mrs M, May I think I know what you mean. I think you needed me to know. You have to decide something & you don't know what to do. I love you so much that I must warn you not to make a mistake May be very su think what it is May to have to live one's life in the closest companionship with a person ^to whom you can never talk about the subjects that are most important to you & whose plans & ambitions seem to you useless or even wholly wrong. Think of it dear & be very careful for if you make a mistake now it is a mistake for your whole life. But Mrs Merriam if it weren't for yourself that you were thinking if you were willing to be a little less happy that asked May someone else might be more so what would you do. I should think I was in danger of following an old & false saying that the end justifies the means. Remember May that if you marry a man with whom you are not in sympathy no matter whether you like him or not you are wronging him as well as yourself for it will be just as hard for him as it is for you. May had gone to Mrs Merriam's hoping to get encouragement to [do?] what would require [some?] self-sacrifice but instead but she certainly had not found it, & [moreover?] she asked herself what Mrs Merriam would have said if she had known that there was another objection to that course in May's interest in Harry Phillips. It was not an easy thing

A Pronoun is a word used instead of a noun I my mine myself me we our ourselves ours us you your yourself yours ye thou thyself thine thee he his him himself she her herself hers it itself its they theirs them themselves who whose whom which what that

I suppose you think something is the matter that I don't come to see you now the way I used to. May broke in with an indignant [illegible] indeed but he went [illegible] isn't that but after I once stopped for a while I didn't know how to begin & if you don't mind if you'll let me I'd like to come now & then. You know I always liked you. Why of course replied May considerably taken aback we have been friends all our lifes & I don't know any reason why we shouldn't be now. I don't mean just that said he clumsily, I mean I like you better than I do other girls. May had literally nothing to say to this avowal & he appreciated the situation to ask her if she woul like to go into the other room.

since been ever left out, At the end of a month or two Harry felt well acquainted with them all but especially with May & a few of his [?] particular, He went a good deal to the Stone's at first with Ned & then by himself. Their mutual enthusiasm over books made common ground between them & led to many discussions in which Harry came to know May [&?] her opinions better than many of her old friends, He [soon?] drew the inference that she was not happy though thanks to the prevalent idea with regard to her father's business affairs he did not suspect the real reason [Matthew?] [?] [?] Mrs Stone liked Harry but they did not think of interfering. Mr Stone was absorbed in business & yielding to a belief in fate which he would have laughed at eight or ten years before did not allow himself to think of the crash which would come sooner or later unless something unexpected happened to prevent it, the anxiety & fret told seriously on Mrs Stone's nerves & temper She was a woman of good impulses but she was quick temprd & fault-finding She never made up her mind to make anybody unhappy indeed she intended to [doubt?] [as] best she knew as she said but she was egotistical & quick to take offence & added to this she never stopped to reason about any thing. She had the impression that May had somehow infringed on her place in her husband's affections & she cherished this spark of

Interjections express sudden feeling. O! oh! ah! alas! lo! hurrah!

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out when they please & return the same - also receive visits from their friends. on last evening there was a concert given by one of the Schools of this City for the Benefit of this school some $400 were the net proceeds.

This Home is indeed a blest one, for those aged women who have seen better days, here they bide, can busy themselves as they choose, though each when well, has her regular work allotted her for certain hours of the day. -

from the home we visited the grounds of a Mr. [??], son of a very wealthy man, he has recently visited Europe, & his house & grounds are fitted up after European style - Oranges & Lemons were hanging on the trees in the hot house in front of his house.

On the Boudoir windows were beautiful blooming plants - in the Hot house were every description of flowers in bloom - In the yard were beautiful Arbors, fountains & Statuary -

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April / 54

from this beautiful home, so far as luxury & taste were concerned we went to the neat & quiet home of Mr. & Mrs. Needles They have one son, a young man, Charles Needles. Dr. S. came to tea, Mrs. not able to be there - After tea we had a spiritual circle, but had no startling manifestations. at about 8 1/2 we left, Dr. S. took Mrs. Rose to our home & I accompanied Mr. Needles to the Maryland Institute to take a look at the people there assembled, at the Love grove Promenade Concert - Mr. L. is an aged fireman. this concert was given by the Firemen of the City for his benefit

April 5

Mrs. Rose gave her 2d lecture this evening, attendance somewhat larger than Monday evening.

April 6

I lectured this evening by in vitation from the Marion Tem perance Meeting Society of Baltimore, had a full house. The meeting was called to order by the

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President of the Society & opened by prayer by an old Methodist man. Who made the Stereotypeprayer of Stephen D. Foster's Slave holder - "O Lord we thank thee, that our lives have been cast in places & that we live in a land where every man can sit under his own vine & fig tree, & none dare to molest or make him afraid" Oh, how did my blood boil within me, & then to go on with my lecture & not protest against a mans telling the Lord such terrible falsehoods. Mrs. Rose was invited to speak after I had finished, she did so & alluded to the necessity of substituting healthful amusements, in the place of alcoholic stimulus. -

Several gentleman desired me to speak again on Temperance -

Received a letter from Lydia Mott, enclosing Mr. Angles report on the Woman's Rights Petitions. Reported adverse, but presented a Bill giving to married women,

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in case the husband does not provide for the family the right to their own earnings, also requiring the written consent of the mother, to apprentice or will away a child.

Apr. 7

Mrs. Rose gave her 3d lecture this evening, subject the Cause of all our social evils -

Wrote Mr. Channing yesterday, also a letter to the Libera tor, - To day, made my 4th circuit to the Printing offices of the City, 9 in number - to give notice of Mrs. Rose 4th Lecture to be at Maryland Institute on Sunday evening. Mr. Wheadon called with carriage & took us to the Temple. The meeting to night was about the same in number as the other evenings but very intelligent. 65 tickets sold.

Apr. 8

This is a delighful A. M., yesterday & day before, have been beautiful Spring days. This has been a week without rain

Went out to the Post Office found no letters, feel very

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much disappointed at not hearing from home while here this week - got the morning papers, & gave most of the Editors a copy of Mrs. Stanton's Address. The Sun & Clipper have published the Woman's Rights Bill reported to the N.Y. Legislature.

Dr. Snodgrass called in P.M. after which Mrs. R. & self called at Mr. Needles, took tea, & spent the evening very pleasantly. Their son Charles not at home, Mr. N. accompanied us home.

April 9

Very pleasant morning. Mr. Wheadon called & accompanied us to the Universalist Church to hear a sermon on "Woman's Sphere" from Mr. Flanders. The hymns were beautiful, one verse of the 2d ran thus

'Tis man alone who difference sees And speaks of high & low And worships those, & tramples these While the same path they go...

The minister admitted the justice of the demand of woman for her Rights, but denied that they were identical with man's - The sermon was a

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bundle of inconsistencies.

Mrs. R. & myself were talking of the "Know Nothing" organizations, when she criticised Lucy Stone & Wendell Philips with regard to their feelings towards foreigners. Said she had heard them both express themselves in terms of prejudice against granting to foreigners the rights of Citizenship.

I expressed disbelief as to either of them having that narrow, mean prejudice in their souls. She then said I was blinded & could see nor hear nothing wrong in that clique of Abolitionists. She thought she being connected with no society or association, either in religion or reforms could judge all impartially, _ I then ventured to say that Kossuths non committed course while in this country, it seemed to me, she did not criticise as she would an American She thought she did, & could see reasons why he pursued the course she did. Yes said I you excuse him, how could you can see the causes why he acted & spoke thus, shile you will not allow me to bring forward