Geek Weekly #2 [November Food'n'Fun issue]

RECORDINGS

[Image: illustration, family eating a meal around a dinner table]

Yo La Tengo FAKEBOOK (Bar/None) This is a beautiful record made up mostly of covers. It's a perfect Sunday afternoon record. I don't listen to it often, but it's perfect sometimes.

FLYING SAUCER ATTACK—Don't know the name of the record—: (VHF) This is the record with, like, that eerie sunset-lookin' scene on the front. Anyway I've heard it once + I was coming off an acid trip + it was the perfect record. I can't remember it, but I remember it was great!

MORE SUPER MEGA EXPLOSIVE HITS (this is a paraphrase of the title as I am not at home + do not have this gem in my paw.) (Pravada Records): This record is a tribute to Andy Kaufman, and so, is, of course, funny. It features contemporary bands doing 70s hits like the Day-Glo Abortions doing Barry Manilow's "I Write the Songs" + Javelin Boot doing ABBA's "Knowing Me, Knowing You," etc . . . It's fun + neat-o + great for parties (or for finding out how old someone is when they say, "Oh, I used to listen to this in Jr. High!"

more recordings: RRRecords Lockgroove 7": This is a mindblowing thing to own! It is a clear plastic 7" record with 100 (ONE HUNDRED) separate locked grooves, each of some sound. They're really neat & I think I've listened to most of 'em but it's hard to tell. This is the perfect record with which to annoy your neighbors.

I LIKE TO DIE The Drags: (Resin Records 7") This is my favorite song right now! Sure it's basically a novelty but it is pure. Great garagey band and a great 60s garage song. It's rockin'!!! You must have this!

BACK TO SCHOOL Royal True (Touch and Go 7") Heroin in musical form (as I imagine it to be). Brings to mind a sweet spring day in Zilker Park, on the Rock, Drinkin' beer, skippin' school, didn't have to pay rent. We were cool. And it probably looks better in retrospect than it really was, but ahhh . . . the memories! This record makes you think about those days, but, unfortunately, it also makes you remember that those days are gone.

[image: pack of Camel Lights cigarettes and lighter]

Hey y'all— Here's a pretty purple zine for ya! Hope ya like it + don't think I'm too much of a freak! can't wait to see ya! Love you both, Jennifer

ME AND MY HAND I watched it follow me And I'll be damned if I'm losin' Loaded up Adrenallined out I try to ditch it The ups and downs of Alleyways Backways And by the ways of truck stop Pop eyed fried waitresses with Pie eyes All watchin' my Horror with uppity Disgust And that very gust bless her In and she spoke to me, "Keep her" spewed like vomit From her pearly goo pink lips Oh Lonnie big mistake Fuck you and WKRP Fuck me, my hand, and Sinainatil I screamed frustrated "You've made peace with both of yours- you titanic albino bitch, What the hell are you doin' In a truck stop anyway?" I push her clawing pink essence Off my hell Grabbing for my peace of mind A nine fucking foot serrated Ginsu I saw and saw my way to Freedom I curtsy Smile all quaint As I see the Blood clotters cling To Lonnie's tear-stained Eyelashes She cries for me? No. The bitch cries for my hand. Selfish. -Jennifer McClure (freak extraordinaire)

Not sure if that carp is kosher? Have a bat craving + wanna know if yaweh approves? Here's some handy help. Pictorak guides ti the kashruth!

[Images: line drawings/outlines of several animals (crab, fish, snake, dove, hawk) with text written within. Image text: Fowls Birds Most domestic fowl are kosher This includes: capon - chicken - turkeys - pigeons tame ducks - tame geese - tame doves These are the animals you shall eat of all the animals on the earth. [Illegible] Doves - yes

Wild birds and birds of prey are trief. There are twenty-four varieties listed in the Bible and among these treif varieties are such interesting species as: Eagle - ostrich - vulture - kite - cuckoo - swan stork - owl - pelican - heron - lapwing - bat AND THOSE ARE THE FOWLS WHICH ARE AN ABOMINATION AND SHALL NOT BE EATEN [illegible]

NO! NO! Crab snail scallops turtle clam lobster [3 other species illegible]

YES FISH anchovies bass butterfish carp cod flounder fluke haddock halibut herring mackeral pike porgy red snapper salmon sardines shad smelt sole trout tuna monkfish [___fish] FINS AND SCALES]

Now from the little book called Czechoslovak Wit + Wisdom, here's a little ditty which recalls a time gone by, and remembers a lost love . . . [song lyrics at left]

The Prune Song (A Tale of Plums) Back of our village, on the main highway Bosensky grows plums—oh yes! Ann and I watched the plums We ate them, It was so nice. Always we sat beside each other. Upon the stars, we gazed at the heavens. And now I, I do everything alone. I think about wanting to be near you.

Chorus: On that avenue Plums are rolling. I, today, am not watching I, today, am not watching. My eyes are burning.

Back of our village, on the main highway Plums are large as a flat—of yes! Ann said nothing and ran from me. I have no desire for happiness. Ann watches plums with another Now out plum jam she will not see. Earlier here stars saw little things Of which one does not talk.

Chorus repeated

Back of our village, on the main highway Plums are gathered—oh yes! Clothing I have in the wardrobe And I met with the person, we have it signed. Surely after I'm married I'll forget — Then you, Ann, will remember what you did, That you deceived me. Plums now have no value.

Chorus repeated [End of song]

And here are two choice bits of wit/wisdom which it would serve you well to remember from time to time.

When you oversalt the goose, you will appreciate a pitcher of beer. Když husu pfesoliš, žbánek piva oželiš.

Everything has an end, but link sausage has two! Všecko ma konec, a jaternice dvě!

FOOD OF THE GODS

Ok folks, this is an Italian dish so serve it after an Italian meal. The Italian meal should include lots & lots of garlic or basil. Basil is the best option if you are aiming for a romantic dinner. The Tiramisu is dangerous. It is wonderful & will produce a reaction similar to an orgasm in your mouth. The danger is that usually after a long, incredible Italian meal topped off by some Tiramisu, you'll want to have another orgasm. Be ware!