Diary

10:15 IT'S WONDERFUL THAT BASIC HANDLES ALL THE OVERHEAD FOR VERY COMPLEX CONCEPTS LIKE WINDOWS MENUS CONTROLS DIALOGS [all previous text in red ink and bracket beside these 4 with text beside] EVENTS overhead too[red ink and beside list of 4] AND IT KEEPS HIDDEN WHAT SHOULD BE.[red ink] YET IT PROVIDES ALL THE SPECIAL[red ink] QUICKDRAW FUNCTIONS, AS IS.[red ink]

By studying all this stuff in the [highlighted in pink] MACINTOSH USER EDUCATION books [highlighted in pink] last April, I appreciate [highlighted in pink] the complexity of it all. The Generic Application was so complex, so long, and yet a BASIC program can do what it did with many fewer lines, and lots less programmer hours! So has all systems programming [red ink] gone out of my life? Could I [red ink] possibly work in any medium [red ink] except MAC BASIC?? Am I [red ink] stuck in Seattle?[red ink]

10:30 I have one of the best jobs.[sentence highlighted in yellow] I get to use the most advanced computer and the most advanced language. I don't have to worry AS MUCH[as much inserted above in red ink] about bits & bytes anymore. [sentence highlighted in yellow] Instead, I must move on to art.[sentence highlighted in yellow] That's a much BIGGER RESPONSIBILITY.[bigger responsibility in red ink] There's no other job I can do at Microsoft. I could never do systems languages or OS, and I was lucky to work in Business Languages for 6 years, but now I wouldn't even care for that.

So I moved over to Productivity Software side of building. [sentence highlighted in yellow] 5/89: where they have more advanced complex rays.[arrow pointing to text inserted at top of page] But unfortunately, they still use C and very arcane[ complex crossed out and arcane inserted above] ways of creating code. So I don't even fit in there. I didn't care for my study of MTMENU or MAC Generic Applic from mid Feb-mid May. [sentence highlighted in yellow]

Fortunately I can forget that whole period & all that went before it. [sentence highlighted in yellow]

All I have to do for awhile is refine design & code & become more artistic/conceptual. [paragraph in red ink]

10:45[red ink] So why don't I feel happy? [red ink and highlighted in yellow] 1) I'm not in love 2) I don't like clouds that are coming 3) I don't live my env't, my home 4) I don't have many friends. 5) All I'm doing is simple accounting. So I'm not tied down, and I [line in red ink] have an easy project. Perhaps [line in red ink] it's time to do other broadening [line in red ink] things to make me more artistic/ [line in red ink] conceptual. Like [line in red ink] chess[red ink and crossed out] cooking [red ink] language [red ink and crossed out] piano[crossed out] or music taping [red ink] That is, other interactive creative things. [red ink] After I have that under control, [red ink] maybe I can leave Microsoft. [red ink]

First, I need to feel interested [red ink] in something, some large area, and [red ink] free myself of details. But can I [red ink and the words- can I- highlighted in yellow] be imaginative successfully on a [red ink and highlighted in yellow] true, designer basis? [red ink and highlighted in yellow]

We'll see...

WED, AUG 22 till 12:00 BREAKFAST & EXERCISE & SHOWER 12:00 WORK, LUNCH AT MARIO'S READ A CHAPTER OF MOZART. [highlighted in yellow] 1:45-2:00 WAIT FOR ORTHODONTIST 2-3:45 BUY LEOPARD SKIN CLOTH@ HANCOCK'S TALK TO JOE REHFELD [?] BILL GLASS, ETC 3:45-4:15 GO HOME 4:15-5:30 READ CHESS BOOK (REUBEN FINE'S) TALK TO MOM ON PHONE. 5:30 GROCERY SHOP CALL BOB [?] JOAN RIVERS TICKETS MAKE DINNER 7-9:00 MORE CHESS READING [highlighted in yellow] 9:00 INITIAL REACTION TO CHESS ONCE AGAIN, IT'S REAL TOUGH TO HOLD MY ATTENTION. I JUST DON'T CONCEPTUALIZE IT AUTOMATICALLY

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO READ THE THEORY AND DO IT WELL.

IT GOT SLEEPY ENOUGH THAT I DECIDED TO DO SOME COFFEE & SPEED TO PERK UP AND THAT HEIGHTENED MY INTEREST FOR A WHILE, BUT I'M EVEN BORED ON DRUGS. IT DOESN'T GRASP MY MIND IT NEVER HAS!!!

AND IT SEEMS A SAD STORY IN RETROSPECT TO HAVE TO DO DRUGS TO ENJOY IT!!![ all text starting at 9:00 entry in red ink]

CONCLUSION: IT'S JUST NOT A SKILL THAT I POSSESS. [red ink and sentence highlighted in yellow]

9:20 This means I can't plan a strategy. [all in red ink] Even if I did plan one, ala Cobol, [red ink] I couldn't execute it gracefully. [red ink] Hence, forget management. [red ink and highlighted in yellow] Any excellent manager can play chess. [red ink and highlighted in yellow with red box around sentence.]

For a software designer, I'm very [red ink] well paid. Or am I? Should I be [red ink] paid more[text inserted above- than a manager] since I can create? [red ink and highlighted in yellow] Barbara Streisand earns more than her mgr! [red ink and highlighted in yellow] Just don't "aspire" to management. I can't visualize. I have to craft hands-on, before anything goes. Just note Pers Acct design versus the way software is actually turning out.

Management is a generic tool. [red ink] It doesn't matter to a mgr what [red ink] he is managing, as much as what [red ink] I'm creating matters to ME. [red ink] GOOD[ inserted in red ink next to these points which have a bracket next to them]

I love computer software. [red ink and highlighted in yellow] I don't love mgt techniques. [red ink and highlighted in yellow] Software over management. [red ink] Destined to be a designer. [red ink and highlighted in pink]