Diaries, 1943-1944

36 whether you will be alive by the end of the day let alone whether you will have shelter. Now we need to wait and see. One thing is certain, today will bring nothing good. Four o'clock in the morning. We are far away, that is to say that we can hear the front so [illegible] and we should be allowed to have some hope, but that seems not to be the case. A person is not allowed to have hope in life. Eight o'clock. We still don't know anything and there is a stranger in the house. We don't know who it is. We are impatiently waiting. God help us, so many people have uttered that. It rains. To walk this way and not to have any clothes. It is ten o'clock and Stefka has bbrought us our breakfast and told us that Tatjoe has recognized us. He has told everything at home and wondered whether they did receive money from us. Now we have to wait and see. Much good [illegible], I don't. We could hear the front clearly today. 46 [in the margin]

37 Three o'clock in the afternoon. Maybe it all turned out well this time. Adam told Tatjoe that we were evacuees who stayed with them for a few weeks and that we then will leave. If they now know how to keep their mouth shut all may be well. Only the mother and the grandmother know that we are here. The father does not and that is for the better because he is a drunk. Let's hope that our rescue is near and that the brother-in-lawdoes not know. July 20. No news today. We are feeling better that way; when nothing happens. Sweater for Adam is not happening. Is now a skirt for Stefka. You can clearly hear the front. Adam comes in just as I put this notebook away and tells us that his brother has brought his horse and his belongings here, because the fighting is already at [illegible], so the front is about 40 kilometers away. 47 [in the margin]

38 and there are lots of wounded German soldiers where his brother lives. That is 12 kilometers from the front. A German has told them that it is such a big offensive that they can not hold. On Tuesday we heard for the first time shooting. Tatjoe came upstairs and spoke with Chajim; he is a nice boy. Stefka gave us so little to eat this afternoon that from four o'clock on I have had pain in my stomach from hunger. ----------------------Friday June 21 [should probably be July 21]. We could clearly hear the front last night. This morning we have not heard anything yet. But there are many Russian planes in the sky. Otherwise, we are healthy, the flies are eating us alive and am once again in a bad mood. To try to be in such a bad place 48 [in the margin]

39 and I don't understand the people. My heart fills to be so far away from my Holland and I can['t] hold my tears. [illegible] Afternoon. A lot of military vehicles are coming in as I write this. At least fifty with soldiers. So here too there is movement. Adam's brother has also come away from the Boch[?]. There were 20 homes on fire. The potatoes are all being taken from the field. At the moment there are bombardments around us. What will the day bring us. It is eight o'clock and the night is falling [illegible]. More people are coming in and it is impossible to be at the Boch[?]. The whole day you could not hear the front. It is nine o'clock and there are still cars passing by. July 22. People are saying that the war progresses well. The Germans are on the run. We see also a lot of cars leaving. People are saying

40 that Golm has been liberated. I have to mention something interesting. How people get to meet one another. When we ran away from Sobibor we arrived early in the morning at people from Posen and they gave us bread and milk without asking for any money. We asked them for directions but they told us that they were not familiar with the areaand they send us to Adam's brother. So we went there and from there we were brought here by the brother. All people have now left the Boche[?] and all those who have helped us are now here at Adam's. people meet one another, but [illegible] 51 [in the margin]

41 Adam brought us a cigarette, that he got from a German who was here. He could not have thought that a jew would smoke it. In addition, this morning a kraut wanted to get one of Adam's horses and he ran away and has yelled "halt", but he kept on running. The krauts are here in the village, so they must still be in Golm as well, so we must wait and see. We must have faith. Four o'clock in the afternoon. Five minutes before twelve o'clock is not twelve o'clock and there have never been this many krauts here and we have to be more fearful than ever before. Sunday, July 23. We did not hear the front for the last three days and it appears that the krauts are retreating without any shooting. The front has passed us by. In Krosnastaaf, 28 kilometers from here, we can hear artillery 62 [in the margin]

42 There are still krauts here in the villages, eventhough the are on the run. We still have not seen any Russians, so we are still in hiding. It is not twelve o'clock yet. It is difficult to bring us food because the whole family is here as well as some strangers. But she did bring us a piece of bread last evening and we will have to do with that. Where there is a will there is a way, but the will is not there. Our goal is to survive this war, even if we only have bread and water. We don't know anything else and we will have to wait what the day will bring us, it is now eight o'clock in the morning. --------------------It is now seven o'clock and I don't know much news. The krauts are moving and you can see them also go fast in cars. They don't know where to go , because they are surrounded by the Russians. But you do hear from all directions a lot of shooting and artillery. 63 [in the margin]

43 Especially to the west of us, so the Russians have moved past us quite a bit. We are still hiding up here. It looks like my stomach is getting bigger, so I must be pregnant. Also spots are beginning to appear again all over my body, so the scabies is back. It is almost dark and there are still cars moving by. God give us that we may wake up tomorrow in good health and without krauts. --------------------Five o'clock Monday, July 24. There was a lot of shooting last night. Cars were moving all night long, so they are on the run, could be military cars but could also Ukranians. More shooting to the west of us. So a big chance that a front may as yet develop here. 64 [in the margin]

44 The Russians are already in Golm. Not yet in Krasnastaaf. Also, Adam did tell his brother and sister-in-law that we have lived here for more than 9 months and continue to stay here, because we are not at the end yet. It is two o'clock and Chajim is at the moment downstairs to say that the Sovjets are coming. We are seeing a lot soldiers. Will this be the moment, that we will be regarded as human beings? -------------It is unbelievable, I am sitting outside in the meadow with my Chajim. We are free. The Sovjets are here and we can walk outside. Why don't I feel much joy? I don't know. The first Sovjet patrols are driving by and you can see more and more coming. God give us that everything will go well. The front is at the moment four kilometers away from us 65 [in the margin]

45 and Chajim and I are laying down in a wheat field. Seven o'clock in the evening. -----------------It is almost nine o'clock now and the front is still about four kilometers ahead of us. As long as they are not falling back; then we could still perish at the last moment. God continue to help us. We so dearly like to live, maybe it would have been better if we had moved further away from the front. We don't know. One has to have to be lucky. ----------------July 25. I can't still believe that the Russians are about 20 kilometers away from here and people say that they are advancing. Wednesday, July 26. I did not write yesterday. Chajim did not like it that I 66 [in the margin]