Diary

laughed while he said, "God, how tacky?" He asked me if I had a car and he went to get his. We drove to his place. He was out of it and has a lover to be faithful to, but the lover has a wife so John just wants someone to sleep with. I'm your man I said. And after a little tactful maneuvering we were in bed. He was great muscular and hard, with a pretty big cock. A Seattle Prep guy. He was very nice to me, eventually breaking down and being close.

Incidentally, Shelly's Leg burned after a tank truck overturned on the viaduct, so it was not open. I went out to the Arboretum. It just was not the same place. Muddy, cloudy, with walls standing, and no foliage anywhere on the branches. Very desolate. Not the happy fun place I knew last summer.

I also spent some time recently convincing myself that I spent Jan-Mar well and that it was good to go the [royaling?] route.

I am very much looking

forward to moving to the Bay Area. To start a location, a home. To go out to beautiful bar. To get into Stanford's GPU, to take courses, to have a fixed residence awhile. I pray for all the things I want. I want happiness. A lover. I am hoping all of this will go well. I am very tired now and will continue this tomorrow.

Chapter IV written Mid April '76 (on a Saturday I guess) two days after being cleared to graduate. This was the Sunday after first week of Spring quarter classes.

After flying back to Albuquerque from Seattle after Christmas 1975, I finished Basic, got it to work without fault, and then left for San Francisco and Stanford. Everything went smoothly; I got to school one day after classes started so I missed little. My first class was Dutton's "Digital IC's" which was extraordinarily difficult but fascinating. I met a gay guy in the class who was most willing to help me out in the homework. I couldn't have done it without him.

The first five weeks I spent getting settled and getting "into" classes. The first weekend I looked at apartments and decided on one in Sharon Heights, B-23. The first week I got settled, then next week I got comfortable, then next week I began to think well what does my home mean to me and who do I want to share it with. I decided on a tall, six foot

fairly large blond, beautiful, smart guy. This desire stayed and developed during the fourth week. Indeed I found him on Feb 8 at Toad Hall, Rick Smoot. We could not go home since he had a lover and I was living in Mendo Park to far to go. But I got his name and number and was to call him next weekend.

Academically I had become settled in all my classes by the first time I went to the city (Toad Hall) and met Rick. Also all of my stuff had arrived by then. My bike, my clothes. I had it all together by the time I went up there. I had a home. And I was caught up in my classes sufficiently to be able to handle them day by day, week by week. I had relearned all of the electronics I had ever known and I think I have it all together now. I felt very comfortable and I had probably the best week of the quarter, the week after I met R.S. But then I went up to the city again. This time I met Smoot again but he still was unable to go home so I had a fairly

difficult time on Sunday. I met no one I liked and consequently was unhappy. I did meet some guy and his lover and had dinner with 'em at hamburger on Mary's and then we went to the Endup which was hot and congested. They drove me home afterwards and that was a terrible day. The next day was a holiday, Washington's birthday and I attempted to decide what the hell was going on. I was somewhat pissed too that I was spending so much money for an apartment (435/mo) and not really enjoying it due to a lack of furniture.

I decided to make use of whatever money I was spending, ie, for an apt, for Stanford, and spend time with friends. And on Tuesday I realized that not only do I have to have sex but friends also and maybe love will develop out of this. I worked on a CS 144A midterm on Tues + Wed and then got sick with the flu. I was in