Diary

So sad I couldn't talk to Tom Rosenburg. Tried talking with El Paso guy with buck teeth; cute but no Chip.

So went home so unhappy + shot down but not knowing why. I thought about it all as I fell asleep. Then woke up at 3:30 and coun't get back to sleep till 6.

I started thinking the usual lack of communication stuff + I kept thinking what I would say to him if he ever phoned. Nasty stuff. But then I recalled he had said he only wanted to be friends, last Dec. + I accepted this but it didn't sink in.

I asked myself why I was hurt as seeing them dancing + seeing them walk in together. It wasn't so much because of them but because I simply want to be in love with someone. It doesn't

have to be Chip. It's not his fault.

And I couldn't love Chip. He + I differ in many ways + I plan to move to LA soon. I guess all I want is enough of his friendship to keep me going. He is the only one in ABQ I really care for + can relate to. So losing him is terrifying. But I don't want to possess him. ----------------------------------------

Tues Jan 18, 77 with Diana Ross Greatest Hits in background

Saturday evening two Sat'days ago (Jan 8) was fine. We went to Spaghetti Machine. It was a-ok, but I hadn't had chance to tell Chip my feelings by then. But we were still in a good mood + I was able to eat!

Then we went to see "A star is born." Good for us lovers. I was not able to say much afterwards. I was hungry. We

went to K-store so I could eat. (Love hangover just started thots of SF last April + Stanford + Marvin Fox). After taht we started off + Chip suggested we go to my place so he could suck my ____. I was amazed. But we did.

Then next morning, I got a good time to tell him what happened. Also told him I had slept with Jim Lajeune.

(By the way, the previous night we went to party at his friend's house, surprise birthday.)

After we had our intimate talk which was more due to me than him, we went to my office so I could do a little bit for Commodore. Made type for them to copy.

Then to Hilton Brunch on Sun Jan 9.

You know as I write this, I realize how bored I am in ABQ. I am just squeaking by. Happy but my minds just not active. All the times in big cities ala Love Hangover were so much fun.

And they could be exhilirating now that I've positioned myself + feel I know what I want.

After Brunch, we went to take pictures of the snow in Old town, then drove way out to mountains + looked at houses. It was fun + very necessary for me to get away for a bit. We talked as if we were really looking for it. The mountains in the snow were lovely. Chip was so good to me that time. Went home to get booze _ tried to get back by sundown but only made it partway. So we sat by side of road + drank our wine. For some reason I thot it was good fun. But it was then.

We then had a very conversational dinner at the Louisiann + tried to see a couple movies on TV but Paul was watching something

we didn't care to see. So we went to Chip's house + saw last hour of That's Entertainment + last hour of Reincarnation of Peter Proud. Then the news + a bit of Star Trek. Then to bed.

Monday was a general workday followed by exercise. Tuesday and Wednesday I did 3Ms, getting bugs out of 6502 BASIC + setting it up for OSI + MOSTech. Even worked Thurs morn till 4:00 AM, then with all bugs fixed went home + slept till noon.

Chip called in the aft. Said he had tried day before but phone was always busy, which was true since I was talking w/ Chuck then. He went to see [Seven To Sol'n?] by himself since I was not around + had to work Thurs night. I was unhappy but happy since that gave me time to exercise.