Diary

4:15 Bill leaves somewhat grudgingly, and I felt bad, but he just doesn't contribute to me what I want.

I don't feel good after spending time with him.

But aside from Bill, I guess I don't care much for last night or yesterday at all.

I don't really want

Body Nautilus

Tugs

Daddy's & Park Bench

Sparks (too ugly & proleish)

Ritz (too stuffy & preppy)

Volunteer Park & Madison Beach

in my life at all. They are so demeaning to me. I just haven't found something exciting.

Today is a September kind of day, and there is no enthusiasm.

Something that I can do is tape music and learn about it.

That can be a major project this week

5:00 Go to Body Nautilus to soak.

Drive through park

6:00 At home call Bob and Bill is over there. I felt bad. Why can't I have friends too?

So I go over there. Chuck is there.

Nice visit, but damn, I want to visit people I relate to.

They are my friends, but I don't like their apartments, so I can't sleep with them.

I've got to get this fixed.

Help Bob move boxes at office.

Dinner at Rama House.

But I'm not turned on.

Drive home. Drop off Bob.

10:00 Go home & think.

Walk by Ritz. Nothing

10:30 To sleep

Mon Aug 11 '86

Wake up. Very unmotivated and sad, scared & confused emotionally. But realize I can start to put something together, starting today.

Why oh why can't I find someone (more than one) who excite me, who I relate to?

I must work on that and have something to contribute by studying music or whatever. Start that today, and don't put work first again. I'm getting older, and I want friends.

9:15 Hot tub at Body Nautilus. J/O by self.

Go to Bellevue to buy music and shower curtains.

Go home & listen to music but it really has no fulfilling feeling. Some of it is fun. But selecting music isn't my forte or desire. It never feels great.

Put up curtain.

Lunch at home.

Get quote for new glasses on B'way.

Go to Sears for new quote & silver platters for more CDs.

Back to order glasses on B'way.

Down to Pioneer Square to look

for posters & dining room art.

buy Seattle Vice Tshirt

and 2 jazz CD's at Budd's.

Look for Da Vinci's on 1st

All stuff been on to do list long time.

Home for dinner. No protein. Just potatoes beans & bread.

8:00 Out to Body Nautilus for tubs. See Kevin from beach.

To Broadway Video for chip off old block.

Home & write up today.

Feels good to reduce list to manageable level and be done w/music shopping.

9:30 Call Bill talked for almost 2 hrs. (Good (6/89)) And we touched on fact that I need to J/O before sleeping with someone, yet Bill was tired, and then on Sunday morning I would've liked to play, but Bill doesn't do sex in the morning. So I feel awkward and unfulfilled. So maybe these are reasons I can use if needed to back out without hurting Bill's Feelings. Talked about Robb Bill was "employee"

Watch Chip Off Old Block

12:00 To sleep

Tues, Aug 12 '86

Misc

Get VHS cassette & audio too

Get cold coin & put in safe.

Misc

12:30 Lunch with Vic at Rain City Grille. Doesn't care for it much. $28 for lunch. Not much food.

2:00 Go to gym

4:15 Go to Bel Square for swimsuits and general shopping, fun...Go home. Getting sunnier.

Dinner.

Talk with Vic and Bill. Bill wants to use computer.

7:00 Bob calls and wants to party (celeb moving)

7:30 Tan & listen to Dire Straits. (Better than most but not me, not Sunday music, wouldn't go to concert.)

8:00 Sit in hot tub/sauna. So troll. Wanted to meet cute, blue-eyed Kevin but he doesn't shower tonite. Decide Body Nautilus is awful.

9:00 Call Bob. Tell him to call Vic. Look for other gyms in Yellow Pages. Try Gold's Gym on Eastside. Go out with Bob & Vic to celebrate his moving out of the office. Bob says Bill has date with Kurt.

Wed Aug 13th

Talk with Mom

Play with Excel charting

11:00 Go to GSBA lunch at Triples

1:30 Go to beach

Home & clean up.

Call Bill.

Meet for a drink & dinner.

Help him with computer problem.

He doesn't want to stay over.

Gives a weak excuse.

That should've been fine. (6/89) But I was so disillusioned these days.

Thur Aug 14th

Groggy due to Unisom, very bad, sluggish feeling.

Misc

Take computer to Bob's.

Why do these guys with crummy apts seem in such good moods & sharp? Why can't I be sharp?

Pack to get out of city

9:15 Leave for Olympic Peninsula driving south through Olympia & Aberdeen. Rolling hills west of Oly are nice but the rest of the way (1AR) is so-so.

12:15 Arrive Lake Quinalt. Not as dramatic as Lake Crescent. Lodge is pretty boring. Lots of tacky tourists. Formica dining tables. Almost everything is fried, and served with French fries. No other restaurants on south shore. Call Vic in Seattle & Dan in P.A.

1:30 Do Quinault Rainforest Loop. Nurse legs

2:00 Drive up North Shore Road, not much, but several cabins and Lk Q. Resort Motel (minimal!)

2:30 There is some Oly Nat'l Forest before & after Quinault, but not much. Continue driving to coast through Quinault Indian Res.

2:00 Arrive in [Ralalecr?]

Nice cabins and lodge, but a little too foggy and cool. No tanning! Must wear jacket to beach

Snack

3:30 On to Ruby Beach, stopping at Big Cedar trail to beach. See seastacks but not ruby flecks in the sand. Still foggy and cool

4:00 Head for HOH Rainforest

5:00 Go on both trails Look at visitor center Feeling a little sad that Bill was not there, but then again I felt unfulfilled after both Lake Dorothy and Snoqualmie Falls.

6:30 Head for forks thinking that I should review expereinces with Bill since I've decided to forget him numerous times

7:00 Dinner at forks

8:00 Head for Port Angeles Stop at Lk Cresent South Shore in awe of its beauty and serenity. And the air was so wonderful and it was dusk just after sunset

9:30 Arrive at motel Hang around till 11:00 and go out to cabin by myself Dan will follow

11:30 To sleep. Very long day And I got so little sleep last night Tell Bill that Wednesday night was the last straw. We're not sexually compatible. It's too frustrating. And no morning sex and skinny legs. And loves 60's music. And poverty. And he's too smart for me, like Bob Now that I've seen Olympic Penn and Lk Crescent again do I want to stay in Northwest? Think about Nov-April. I want someone I can do things for. Cant seem to find any here.